The Final Goodbye

Chapter 9

The fairytale Christmas was finally over and it was time to stop living in the routine of reminiscing in the past. It was about time to move out, start looking for new places to live, meet new people. I never got out of the war, the war still goes on and people die. No matter where I go though, death always has a treat of catching up, finding me. The question is why? Soon enough death will come for me, and take me to visit the people I have killed and the loved ones I have killed. If I stay at Baker Street I am sure that Mrs. Hudson will die on my watch. That's my luck though.

I slowly go down the staircase and knock on Mrs.Hudsons door, "Mrs. Hudson, I need to talk to you." I stay there for a moment before the door starts to open.

"What is it deary?" She speaks in a brittle voice.

"I am moving out, in a month or two. I will be looking for places. I am sorry I have to bother you with this right now, at this hour." As I continue to go on she opens the door wider. "I just thought I would tell you now."

"I see." That's all the old woman could manage out. The once bright face I knew turned into something I could only describe as pure sorrow. She lost the man that saved her and now losing her friend.

"I'll still come and visit, I am not just disappearing." A voice of soothing was coming out. "I will never forget this place, the place that I call home."

Mrs. Hudson perks up. "Well you better bloody come and visit." Shvee smiles a sweeter smile. "I just thought you might just stay for another year."

"Now, you know I can't do that. The world needs me, living my life. Saving people, doinging things, the way Sherlock would have wanted. Who knows where he is now, I'm sure giving God a run for his money." I chuckle. This causes Mrs. Hudson to smile.

"He probably knows more about God right now then God does." She laughes out. We both laugh and as soon as we calm down we look into each others eyes and give a loving hug. She was like a mother to me, well I really never had a mom.

~~~~

My mother died giving birth to me. I was the said 'mistake' according to my dad. I was the reason she died, that it was all my fault. Started to abuse me and my older sister Harry. Physically and emotionally abusive to me, he would choke me, hit me, give me a swat on the butt for the littlest mistake. One time he caught me playing the Trumpet, he pulled the trumpet out of my hand, hit me with it. I am surprised that I made it out of there alive.

Now the emotional abuse came later. Once I when I was about thirteen I knew I was different. That I had something about me, that not other person around me had. Finding out that I had a small infatuation with a local school boy. I told Harry, somehow my father found out and called me 'gay' 'fag' 'homo' 'disgrace' "you shouldn't like men, you shit." He would tell me. "Not even a man would love you, so why would a woman love you?" That's when I just shoved those feelings back deep in my head. Guess they didn't show up till recently.

Harry by far had it the worst. She was sexully abused, physically, and mentally scared. Father started to sexually abuse her when she turned ten. Also physically abused standing up for me, and had a bunch of my fathers friends rape her. After that she packed mine and hers bags and left. A seventeen year old and her twelve year old brother living in the slums. She soon became an alcoholic and came out to me that she was gay.

~~~~

I finish hugging Mrs. Hudson, the warm hug still surounding me. I clear my throat and she invites me into her area of the flat. I sit at the white table and look to the outside of the flat. She lays the tea cups that I got her infront of me. They were gleaming against the small daylight that was shining through the window. Pouring tea and letting it steam there. She gently sits infront of me.

"Do you have any idea where you will be going?" Asking between the sips of her tea.

"Honestly no, probably in a smaller part of London, near the outside of the city." I fiddle with the handle moving it from side to side.

"Well maybe you should start looking for a place to stay. Also a place to work." Setting the cup down and moving it to the side.

I let out a small laugh and nod. "Yeah I will find one around where I will be living at. Probably a small clinic. At least helping people."

"Well that's good, and with your medical experiance it will be easy for you to do so."

"Yes that's why I would love it. Who knows I might evn find someone."

"Someone like Sherlock, that will be interesting" She starts smiling, taking another sip of her drink

"How many times do I have to tell you, I am not gay." I lie to her, I know she want's me to admit it. i just can never let anyone know. I have to keep it a secret. "I will go to Sherlock's grave today and let him know."

"That's good, even though he is gone I bet he loves hearing from you." setting her cup down and getting up to clean up the tea.

I stand up and go back to the second floor to get ready for the day. Having a white shirt and a red cardigan over it. Having brown trousers and tan shoes. Soon as I get dressed I lay in my chair and open m laptop and look for  job and a place to stay. There was a small one bedroom flat for a cheap price but real expensive pay right there. It was on Horn Lane West 3rd. There was a clinic on the same street, I woud sill need someone to share th rent with. Yet there was a place for me to geta job.

Once I had called the Doctor to set up an interview I had got enough change in my pocket to buy a rose and change to get a cab. Ilet Mrs. Hudson know that I wa leaving and called for a cab. Riding all the way down to the grave site. My head leaned against the window and I thought of what I was going to say to Shrlock. Sure that he may not hear me but I have alway planned on what I was going to say.

~~~~

The ride was quiet, I went to the flower shop and bought a yellow rose. Keepig it under my cardigan and jacket, so it wouldn't get ruined. Walking the gravel path to his grave I see Mycroft standing ubove his brothers grave saying something. I was tempted to listen in.

"Oh, brother I know you're still alive. This little game that you're playing, with I and with John, you have to stop." He turns around and smiles towards me. "Hello John,I knew you were there the whole tme. I don't need you to hear what I was sayinso I changed it." He walks past me and slows down and gives me a snotty smile. "Goodbye Dr. Watson."

I watch as he walks away out of sight. I continue to walk up t the grave and take the small yellow rose out. I heasently place it on the headstone. I clear my throat and stand there in silence, not kowing where to start.

"Alright I am just going to say it. Sherlock I a moving, possibly next month. I am out of money, and the job that I am trying to get is to far from here. This means that I will probably never talk to you again. As soon as I get a job I will be leaving. I will miss you." The hought i my head were racing and I had no idea on what to say next. "There are so many things that I want to say to you. I know you can't her me." I look down and laugh, then look back up more broken than before. "I never knew you were homeless. Why did you not tell me this?"

I take a deep breath, feeling that my eyes wre watering. "Just one word that all I want, just one word." I look to the bushes. "But I guess I will never get that, will I? Never not one word. Idon't see why I am wisting my time talking to a grave." I turn around and back again. "This is what my life has become, just me blabbing my mouth to a grave with an emty corpse rotting in he ground. Not having any emotion towards me while it was alive." I wipe my eyes seeing that I had made myself cry. "You know what this will be my last visit here. Goodbye Sherlock."

I turn and leave, would this be my last visit?