Running on Empty

Bravery is not the absence of fear

Sitting in the car with Aizawa, Hitoshi couldn't help his nerves. The hero had seen some of his injuries yesterday, but he hadn't seen all of them. And he certainly hadn't seen the scars.

He avoided looking at it, but he knew his back was the worst. Only a few of his foster families had used a belt, but those that had had certainly left their mark, carving the memories of his stay into his skin. A permanent reminder of just how weak he was.

Then there were the other fresh injuries that the hero hadn't seen yesterday, like the ones on his shoulders from being shoved into lockers, and the ones on his knees from being thrown to the ground, and the ones on his forearms from trying to protect himself.

Yeah, Hitoshi was not looking forward to this at all.

It wasn't that he thought the hero would judge him for it, it was after all, literally his job to save others, so he was probably somewhat used to seeing people in various battered states. No, it was the opposite that was getting to Hitoshi. The fear that the adult would care. That he would try to comfort him like he had last night, or try to fight the various people who had hurt him over the years, or try to do anything to help Hitoshi at all.

Because no matter what the hero's response was, he was sure there would be questions he'd have to answer. And no matter what the hero did to try and fix things, it was going to end the same way it always did.

He'd find out Hitoshi's quirk, and then he'd turn his back on him.

He didn't know what was worse, the idea that the hero would physically hurt him, or the image of him just ...turning away, abandoning Hitoshi like he was absolutely nothing. Just a speck of dust left on an otherwise polished surface, ready to be swept under the rug and forgotten.

He was pulled from his thoughts when he realised that he recognised the road they were driving along, he'd walked along it only yesterday, although it seemed like an eternity ago now.

The feeling of dread in his stomach only intensified as Aizawa drove through the entrance and onto the grounds of the hero school.

"I arranged everything earlier," Aizawa spoke as he pulled into a parking spot. "So Recovery Girl is expecting us and the rest of the staff know you're not some intruder."

"Hitoshi?" He turned to face the boy when he didn't get a response. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing," he signed, pausing to decide his next words. "I was here yesterday."

"For the exam?" Aizawa looked at him with a deadpan expression, but Hitoshi felt like he was looking right through him, analysing the teen.

He just nodded and lowered his hands, effectively ending the conversation. The hero seemed to get the message and, thankfully, dropped the subject as they clambered out of the car.

They walked through the empty hallways of the school, a few staff members were in their classrooms, but since it was Sunday all the students were at home and Hitoshi was glad that there weren't more people, he was already anxious enough.

They stopped outside a large door that read 'Infirmary' and Aizawa gave Hitoshi a reassuring nod before knocking.

The youthful heroine was shorter than Hitoshi had imagined, but that didn't make her seem any less intimidating to him as she pulled the door open and directed him towards an empty bed. He made his way over with a sinking feeling in his gut and a vice around his lungs.

This was bad, she hadn't even seen his injuries yet and he was freaking out, how was he supposed to cope when she examined him?

He sat on the edge of the bed, shoulders hunching as he lowered his head to stare intently at the ground. Maybe if he ignored the world hard enough everything would just disappear.

But as usual, the universe ignored his request to just vanish off the face of the earth and he registered that the nurse was trying to speak to him.

"Dear? Hitoshi dear? Can you hear me?" He nodded weakly in response. "Okay, good, before I take a look at your injuries I need to get your family name for the chart, so could you tell us what that is please?"

He contemplated lying, but figured that would only come back to bite him on the ass and he might as well just get this over with.

"Shinsou." He signed.

"Would you rather I keep calling you Hitoshi, or do you want me to call you Shinsou -" he couldn't help it, he flinched. "- instead... okay, we'll stick with Hitoshi hmm?"

Again, he just just nodded.

"Alright, well I'm going to check you over now dear, so I'm going to need you to take your shirt off for me. Would you prefer it if Aizawa-san left the room?"

He shook his head frantically at that, and then his eyes widened when he realised what he'd done. Just minutes ago he was thinking about how much he didn't want the hero to see at the damage that had been inflicted upon his body, see how weak he was, how pathetic. He couldn't even defend himself, how could he ever think he stood a chance in the hero course?

He was drawn from his rapidly spiralling thoughts when Eraserhead sat next to him on the bed. He wasn't close enough to get in the way of Recovery Girl, but he was close enough for Hitoshi to realise just how glad he was that the guy hadn't left him alone with a stranger.

"I'll stay with you then."

And it was silly, Hitoshi thought, kind of ridiculous in fact, how much comfort those five words gave him.