[3] 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐒 ― p.jackson, l.valdez

018.

「018. we're all the monsters sometimes」

BARBIE ACTUALLY missed the swamp. which was something she never thought she'd ever say. the giant's leather bed in the drakon-bone hut had been a festering cesspool, but right now it sounded better than whatever was happening now. the four of them were stumbling along in the darkness, the air was thick and cold, the ground alternating patches of pointy rocks and pools of muck. barbie was so glad she hadn't fallen into tartarus with sandals on- she might as well have called it quits at the river of misery if she did that.

the terrain was working against them, as if it was designed so that barbie could never let her guard down. even walking ten feet was exhausting. she'd ran out of the giants hut feeling strong, his head clear. everybody had. even percy got some new clothes, and barbie made alterations to her dress (now tank-top and skirt). but none of that really helped to keep out the cold.

she glared at the ground in front of her. it wasn't a nice feeling as they walked. her head was starting to feel like it was floating- but simultaneously like the weight of the world was residing in her head along with her in general. hair stuck up on her arms, her freckles had probably dulled to nothing now. she felt so cold. so alone at times. but then, whenever he felt like giving up and just letting monsters come for her- letting them tear her apart, she'd reach over and take percy's hand, then annabeth's. the three of them would stay like that before eventually dropping hands again. but with just that it helped reassure barbie that there was some sort of warmth in the world.

barbie (and probably percy too) was worried about annabeth. after damasen, she was wiping tears away as they walked. annabeth hated when her plans didn't work, and when damasen rejected their offer, she was pretty much heartbroken. barbie had been disappointed to... but not as much as annabeth had.

it was silent. and right about now barbie was hating that feeling so much. she hadn't had time- and she didn't know if she would have time to try and explain to percy about the cursed ladies. she didn't want to just straight up talk about it now- it was a bad time, she really wouldn't get much going for her there. but if she could just talk to him- properly tell him sorry...

she'd been such a bitch to percy when he lost his memory of her (and in all honesty- he wasn't a gentleman, so there was reasoning) and she knew the pain that came with somebody so close that you love not remembering you. and for the curse to make her hate him and forget him? she felt sorry- even if it wasn't her fault. because the only thing she caught as they escaped from the hut was percy saying it's not your fault. and she knew that- but her mind didn't always remember that...

she sighed, focus barb! she thought to herself, cheer yourself up!

and so that was what she did. she concentrated hard, trying to think of all the good things that had happened to her to keep her spirits up. the lake at camp half-blood, the time she and percy kissed underwater. that weird prank war they'd had before the war (she made a note that if she ever got out of here and the war ended that the prank war would become a monthly thing). val, cherry... she tried to imagine percy and her in new rome together, just feeling safe.

she felt herself smiling. jason had always explained how new rome was also for families... people lived for generations in new rome. college... the realisation really dawned on her then. she could go to college with percy... move in...

if there's any reason to survive and kick gaea's ass, then i think i just found one, she thought to herself.

but even with all those thoughts, it felt like some sort of distant dream. even both camp jupiter and camp half-blood felt like a dream. right now, it was like tartarus was the only thing that existent. this was the real world right now. death, darkness, cold, pain. she'd just been imagining the rest. there was only a blanket of death around her, no clear blue skies with cotton clouds spread across the sky. no glistening and golden sun. no-