Bittersweet

~ ~ She Did What?! ~ ~

~~ Jenna ~~

My phone chimed, and I looked to see a picture message from Tony's phone, it was Ava, sitting with her half baby-brother on her knee. It made me smile, obviously she had made him send it. But gratefully it took the edge of some of my frustration towards Gabe... well frustration was perhaps overstating it.  I felt overwhelmed by Gabe. My frustration and anger if I was honest was directed toward his ex, Alison.

Returning to the rose bouquet I was arranging for a customer, my mind argued with itself.

How could she consider such a thing? I would love to have another child. Children were a precious gift.  Where she was willing to drop him, not even giving motherhood a chance. I know I didn't have a right to judge her choices. But it just felt so unfair.

But a bigger part of me was sure this was simply a grand plan of Alison's in trying to convince Gabe to give her another chance, and knowing he wanted children that I couldn't give him would be a smart and devious albeit crazy idea.

In the mix was also Gabe's crazy proposal or rather a statement—he saw us living together, being married.  He loved me!

I won't deny the idea of us living together and getting married had played out in my head more than once—although admittedly it had been a couple of years down the line. 

I also wouldn't deny I'd fallen in love with him—who wouldn't?  And I didn't doubt his declaration of his love for me. Every minute we spent together, I felt it. 

But it sure wasn't the most romantic way to tell me how he felt for the first time, although it still sent my stomach and heart into a flurry of nervous excitement.

My mind circled back to children... It was clearly obvious he wanted them!

I was torn on this issue; but Janelle was right, I couldn't choose for him and was it selfish to want him knowing what he would be sacrificing? Yes, maybe. But I would happily consider adoption in the future, jump at the opportunity to give a child a loving home. 

But his ex's child? She would never be out of his life and I didn't think for one minute she would sign over her son and then step away.  Gabe would be at her beck and call for years.

Could I deal with that?  No, not when I thought she had some hidden agenda. Gabe may not want her, but she could make our lives difficult.

So although this made me feel like a terribly selfish person, I kept my fingers crossed he would walk away from this offer. Maybe needing space idea wasn't my finest idea, but he'd backed into a corner, nevertheless I should have stayed and talked, rather than running away.  I would call him when I'd finished here today.

My shop doorbell jingled just as I finished the flower arrangement.

"Oh, its beautiful, Jenna." Mrs Chambers, one of my regular customers, remarked as she handed me her credit card.