Bittersweet

~~ Secrets & Regrets ~~

~~ Gabriele ~~

Like a skittish kitten she backed up away from my touch, fumbling to open her car door.  I forced the sickness rising in my stomach down as I watched her internal struggle, felt it almost.  Those cascading stress triggers, the change in eye contact, posture and tone.  The paleness of her skin.  She desperately wanted to be anywhere but here.  My fingers itched to touch her, soothe her.  But no, I stood like an idiot watching her leave. 

I had to ask myself—why was it every time I saw her; I let her walk away from me?  I'd wanted her four years ago, and I still wanted her just as much today.  Sure as I needed air to breathe, it would never change, not in this lifetime anyway.

Letting out a frustrated puff of air.  Those sad green eyes brimmed with tears burned the nerves ends to my brain.  It churned not just my guts, but every emotion I didn't want to feel. It killed me to think of what she'd just seen.  Her dreams crushed, the hole ripping through her heart. Beaten down by that asshole of a brother of mine. 

Gritting my teeth. It was so goddamn hard not to return inside and throttle him.  How could he hurt her like this—but was I partly to blame for this?

Regret's not a word I associate with, but I should have known better, spoken up.  Growing up, he had never once found gratification in anything and I wasn't surprised he was still the same Tony.  But I had stupidly thought two years ago he would have learned his lesson—but apparently not.

Checking the time on my phone.  A text message flashed up from my ex, Alison.  Grumbling, dealing with her was the last thing I needed today.  I swiped it away without reading and turned with a heavy heart to look toward where I'd watched Jenna leave. 

Can't stand here all day. Now, where the hell had I parked my truck?  Heading in the general direction, I wondered if I'd had done things differently two years ago, if I could have prevented this.  Stopped all her pain?

No point dwelling on that now. The past is exactly that—the past. It didn't stop it replaying through my mind though or the guilt that tagged along.

~ ~ Two Years Earlier ~ ~

The bar was filling up.  Thursday nights were usually quieter than this, but since we started offering up slots to live bands, it was drawing many crowds.  Which was great for business.

"Jake, I'm gonna take five."

"Sure, Gabe.  I've got this covered with Ste and the girls."  We'd had to hire extra staff during the week with the live entertainment.

Jake was my business partner and best friend.  We had set up a motorcycle repair shop and now we'd invested our money into this bar.  Much to my father's horror.  But if it pissed him off—then I was good with it.  My Ma, as ever had been supportive of my life choices.  And my sister was always hanging around lately, again under my father's radar.  He would have of no doubt put a stop to her coming if he knew, cut off her line of credit.