I meant it // Karl jacobs x reader

please dont....

CW: self harm and attempted

You finally decide to actually go shower now, you plugged your phone in and layed it in your night stand, grabbed your clothes and went to the bathroom.

You layed your clothes on the counter and walked over to the shower turning the hot water all the way on and the slowly turning on the cold until it was the perfect temperature. You walk over to you mirror and began to slowly remove you shirt being careful to not hit one of the many bruises you have on your torso. They were sore and fresh, they were splattered around like spots on a dog.

 Taking a shower was hard for you, seeing the marks he left on your body, seeing what he made you do to yourself, it was hard not being able to look at your self. Looking down and out stretching your arm you could see just how long ago u should have left him. You knew you should have left when you were sitting on his couch with his arms wrapped around you curves even after you said no to him, you knew you should have left him when you couldn't even speak to him without getting yelled at, you knew you should have left when being with him changed from being with the love of your life to being scared for your life. Hearing the water pressure increase suddenly snapped you out of your thoughts. You looked over to your shower and looked back at your body. "here we go" you exhaled.

You walked over to your shower and placed you hand in the water to make sure it was ok to step into. You step into the shower at the back, scared the water would hurt your wounds. You have scratch marks on your hips and chest, you wanted to just be able to look at your body and not see deep black and purple marks, and be able to look at your body and not be reminded of him but instead see....yourself.

 You carefully stepped forward and allowed the water to hit your body little by little until you were fully soaked. It wasn't was bad as you thought. You looked up the whole time zoning out and getting lost in thought. Again. Something about what you were thinking about reminded you that you should wash your hair. You haven't washed it in about 2 weeks it was greasy and nasty you definitely needed to wash it. I mean you weren't leaving the house anytime soon so its not like anyone would see it but your doing it for your self. You had to do something for yourself once in a while and washing your hair couldn't hurt.

You washed your hair and turned the water off. You reached through the curtain and grabbed the towel off of the wall. You opened up the curtain and wrapped the towel around your body and dried off while walking back over to the counter to get dressed you slide your towel off and reach for you clothes, putting on your under garments then sliding your t-shirt over you head. You grab your shorts and adjusted them so could put them on. As you pulled them up over your 

You pulled your shorts up and opened your mirror to grab your toothbrush and toothpaste but when you opened it something else caught your eye. It was a small box. You knew what was in it. You knew why it was there. You grabbed the box and placed it in the palm of your hand. You used your other hand to open it. Its been a month since the last time you touched it... You grabbed the contents if the box and placed the box aside. You held the item to your wrist. A place that hasn't been scarred yet. You began to dig into your arm, sliding your back down the wall until your knees were in your chest, it hurt but u missed it. In a strange way it was comforting. To your mind feeling pain instead of being numb felt right. You know you shouldn't but it hurt so good. You finally felt something again. Finally. You slid the blade a good inch before moving it away. Tears formed in your eyes and blood was pouring from your wrist. Seeing yourself resort back to this made it hurt worse. Its been a month and now your back where you started.

Suddenly you hear the front door open.

You jump up and grab the first thing you see. It was your shirt you just changed out of. You quickly lock the bathroom door and wrap the shirt around your wrist hoping to stop bleeding and wipe the blood off your arm and floor before who ever is in your house finds you. "Hello?" You hear a familiar voice from your living room say. You begin to panic as footsteps approach the bathroom slowly creeping down the hallway. You stand with your back to the bathroom door still holding your shirt around your arm making sure to apply pressure so it stops bleeding faster.

*Knock knock knock*

You hear as the door behind you hits your back. You stay silent." what is happening". You whisper under your breath Trying to stay silent. "Y/n
Are you there" a male voice asked through the door. You've defiantly heard his voice before....but where
"Hello? Y/n I know your in there please open the door.....it's me". ITS KARL how did u not realize that Sooner. "One sec" you slid away from the door not even realizing you didn't lock the door all the way. You step away and pull the shirt away from your arm. "Shit" you sigh dropping the t shirt beside the sink and sliding back down the wall "why did you have to do this now" you think as you hit the ground, a tear falling to the floor. You look back up forcing your head against the wall. You glance at the door "I'm sorry Karl" you whisper to yourself just quiet enough to where you thought he couldn't hear your. The knob began to turn and the door opened quickly.

"I heard something fall are you-" Karl looked you in the eyes. Tears began forming as he looked you up and down. You couldn't help but burst into tears. He noticed the razor blade laying beside you on the floor "....y/n......" He was in a loss of words he quickly noticed the shirt on the counter drenched in blood. He fell to his knees. ".....Y/N...." tears streaming from his bright blue eyes, you've never seen him so broken. "Karl, I" you couldn't even finish your sentence before you basically started scream crying. Karl looked up at you with red eyes and red cheeks. You slammed your head into the wall again letting the tears come out you knew there was no stopping them now.
"Karl please" you begin "don't be mad at me". Karl moved in closer to you pulling your head into his chest "I'm not mad at you, I could never be mad at you-" his voice breaking in confusion, sadness and concern. So many emotions his voice. "I just-" he placed his head against yours one arm around you and one on your face. "Why, why didn't you tell me I'm here for you I'm always here for you I promised-" he cried harder at his own words. Holding you tighter in his arms. He sighed trying to process everything happening "Why". Hearing the concern and disappointment in his voice, you couldn't respond. Only thing that you manged to do was wrap your arms around his body and hold him tight "I'm sorry" "I know I fucked up Karl I should have came to you sooner but i-". "Stop apologizing, I just- I just want to know something-" his voice broke and he lifted his head and looked you in the eyes "- Is it something I did? I KNOW IM NOT THE BEST PERSON SOMETIMES BUT IM TRYING- y/n I'm sorry I didn't check up on you more-". he struggled to breath and mumbled over his words.

"Karl it's not you I promise" your words break knowing you fucked up. He couldn't respond he only pulled you closer. He looked down at your arm and blood still pouring from your wound. You felt a warm tear hit your forearm. You look at Karl. His face in shock as he See's for the first time just how much damage you did to yourself. Scars from the tip of your wrist to about a quarter way down you arm. He just stared in shock. He couldn't speak. After about 15 seconds of silence the only words managing to escape his broken face was "how long?". He looks back at you and pressed his lips together just staring at you waiting for a response. He grabbed your hand and intertwined your fingers with his. Never breaking eye contact.

You wanted to not answer his question. You knew the answer but you didn't wanna break him more. You look down at your arm tears filling your eyes you breath out "About 7 months'' you break down and crash back into Karl chest and he wraps his arms around your back. You felt his jaw fall slightly and rest on your head.

"I'm so sorry Karl".