I meant it // Karl jacobs x reader

I had no idea..

CW//:  trauma dumping

Again this chapter covers heavy topics, please be careful, remember you are loved. If you feel any type of way reading this be careful and remember you are valid<3

Stay safe :)

Enjoy <3
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"We can talk, sure" Karl smiled. That same smile that led you here. The same smile that you fell for. You took a deep breath, "okay so, you know how you said I could tell you what happened when I'm ready" you asked, a pit of anxiety settled in your stomach. "Yeah, you don't have to right now y/n I'm not rushing you" he said looking down and grabbing hold of your hands. He looked into your eyes and just sat there ready to take in anything you had to say. He listened, you had nothing to worry about. The anxiety eased up a bit.

"Yeah...umm" you prepared yourself for what you were gonna say, he looked so innocent...he had no clue how much pain you were in. "Okay, I'm sorry for this." You exhaled. Your mind wondered what he was as gonna say, or what you were gonna say to him. How could you phrase something like this. The truth is, you can't. No one can. You can't phrase something so fucked up to sound normal. "Karl he uhh," your breath shaky but you tried to hold yourself together. "He abused me." You spoke harshly "emotionally and physically...and I'm sorry I didn't tell you" you looked down at your hands intertwined with his. "Y/n, you just told me. That's all that matters is that you were strong enough to tell someone, that's more then some people are able to do" he sighed. "Karl that's not even the worst of it.... He-" you voice broke. Tears filled your eyes, if you blinked they would fall. "He raped me..." you looked back up at him, you watched his eyes as His mind raced. His jaw fell open, he tried to speak but nothing came out. His eyes becoming as glossy as yours. "I- I'm so sorry" he spoke slowly. "I wish I had words to tell you how sorry I am..." a tear rolled from his shocked eyes. You blinked and allowed the tears to fall. You sat in silence for a moment, you and him trying to comprehend what you said. That was the first time you said it. You spoke that harsh and nasty word.

Realizing this you broke. You couldn't help it. As much as you wanted to stay strong for Karl, for yourself. You couldn't. Karl eyes widened, snapping out of his own mind. You pulled away from
Karl's hands and covered your face. You sobbed into your palms. "HEY, hey, it's okay." He lifted his hand in the air- and paused. "is it okay if I touch you?" He asked. You nodded and cried harder, you wish you had an explanation...why someone would do that to someone. Why you felt so helpless in this moment. In those moments. Karl's arms embraced you. He pushed your head into his chest "it's okay" he sniffled... "it's okay" he nuzzled his head into yours. That's not even half of it....it wasn't just one time, it was several. "why did I let him do that to me" you sighed. "No, it's not your fault." He said firmly, "none of it was love..." he wiped away the tear falling down his cheek and sat there with you in his arms hoping one way or another he was making it better for you. He might not be good with words but if anything he was trying. No matter how he said it you knew what he meant, it was adorable when he stumbled over his words or mixes them up. He knew what to say, just not how to say it. He meant every word with good intensions and this made you feel safe around him.

"I love you" you sighed, you took a deep breath, also taking in his cologne. You wrapped your arms around his torso, you were focused on Karl, not wanting to get too anxious. "I love you too, so much more then you know" he rested his cheek on the top of your head. You could feel him smile. "is there anything else, we can wait but if there's anything you wanna tell me I'm listening." he asked you, he wanted to know everything he did to you, everything he ever caused...he wanted to know why you were in so much pain. "yeah... there is actually" you sat up getting serious. Karl's grip around you loosened allowing you to do so. "it wasn't just one time...it was like I was his pet or something" you rested you hand on Karl's leg. "he thought of me as an object, he used me when he needed he didn't care how i felt about it" you looked down at your hands noting you were playing with Karl's draw strings on his sweats. You quickly drop them and glance away.

"y/n... im sorry I dont have any words for you, I mean I wanna tell you everything to make you feel better I just cant get them out" he looked down where your hand was at and looked back up at you. "I love you so much and i wish i could make it all stop for you..." He forced a smile when he wanted to cry, he didn't know how bad it really was. Well you called him on discord a few times upset or mad but he didn't think anything of it...he should have taken the signs, he thought. Why would he brush off the fact Micheal was mad at you so much.

He kept thinking...if he would have asked you about him sooner would things have gone differently.

Would you be more comfortable talking about how you feel? It didn't make sense to him. Nothing about this did, "I'm sorry, is the only thing I know how to say right now, just know if I had any idea any of this was happening I still would have been there. I would have said something." He sighed "I would have tried to save you..." he placed his hand on your cheek, wiping a falling tear from your eyes "...I'm sorry I didn't save you" a tear fell from his. The irony settled in, your best friend, the sweetest boy in the world... the one who made the world feel safe for you, sat in front of you crying and bruised, lip bloodied and split, eye purple and puffy, and traumatized by the same man. You studied the marks on his face before sighing "you look..." you brought your hand up and placed your palm on his cheek with your thumb hovering above his split lip "...your face Karl" and you could feel your heart shatter in your chest. "He got me, and I'm sorry I let him get you to, you shouldn't have came over that night I knew you shouldn't have I should have warned you but your such a good person you got yourself beat up just trying to cheer me up..." your hands were now on his shoulders, your not sure when they fell but you gripped them and stared down into your lap, the words were coming out faster then you could breathe, his face once being a safe place was now a reminder. "You shouldn't endanger yourself to protect me Karl he's dangerous." You thought you finally ended your rant until a thought popped up. "Your too sweet, your too nice, your too perfect and I'm to broken you deserve better and you deserve happy, you deserve to be you with who you love not have to be careful how you touch and talk to me." You couldn't look up, just gripped his shoulder as you sobbed to him and stared in ur lap.

"Im sorry Karl, I think you should just take me home and stay out of it I can't watch him"- you stopped and your face tensed and you ugly cried. "Is that what u want?". He asked, he wasn't looking up either at this point he was looking at the floor. His voice wasn't as soft as it started out. It sounded hurt and broken and weak. "No." You said firmly and finally looked back up "I don't want that but I don't wanna see you end up like me" you said taking in you as a whole, you could see yourself from the outside, the scars up and down your arms that fluctuated in depth and color. Some purple some white some tan, one long one going across all of them lays on top. The deep gash still dotted with dried blood as it's a freshly formed scab. Your neck still had his nail dents up the side, your gash sat there not hurting but stiff, like if you moved to much it would break the scab again. Finally the purple and yellow marks scattered ur body like Dalmatian spots. Your legs were skinny and had not been the target for a while only the insides of your thighs were a little scarred from his previous assaults.

"He doesn't know where I live. I just wanted you to be happy but if you want to..." he looked at you blankly. " I can just take you home and feel guilty for the rest of my life when you end up dead." He got up and walked to the stairs he turned to look at you " I thought this was helping but you don't seem happy to be here, your worried about me when I'm worried about you, I'm fine y/n and you don't need to feel like you need to go back there to be safe, goodnight." He wiped his eyes and went upstairs. Fuck. You ruined everything. He was offended and you can't even explain why you said what you said to him.
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