Memoriam ➳ The Darkling

[13]

Soundtrack: R.E.M - Losing My Religion

"Again."

I didn't bother hiding the weary expression on my face as I opened my arms to the side for the unknown-th time that morning. It was still quite early but I wasn't sleepy –thanks to Baghra, my sleeping schedule had become an absolute disaster. Lately, she was making me wake up at sunrise and meet her by the lake. I had no idea why we were doing our lessons at such an early time –first of all, it was the coldest time of the day and Baghra hated cold.

She was impossible to understand sometimes.

I stood still as shadows formed a long line underneath my arms, then I raised my arms with slow movements to create a wall of shadows. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and moved my arms forwards with a quick movement. The shadow wall began to fly above the lake with a high speed and with a movement of my hands the wall collapsed, covering the entire surface of the lake. 

Now, the hardest part began.

I had to keep it like that.

Even though using my power made me stronger, I still had my limits and actively commanding such huge amounts of shadows was draining me. I bit into my lower lip as I felt the shadows trying to break free and after a few seconds, I had to let them go eventually. I fell to my knees, my breathing was fast and frequent.

Baghra clicked her tongue in disapproval. "You need to be able to hold around even larger amounts of shadows for a longer time if you're to enter the Fold, girl."

I raised my head to look at her, I was too tired to hide the confused expression on my face. "You know the Darkling's plan about me?"

This time she let out a condescending laughter as she watched me stand up. "Did you think I'd have agreed to train you if I hadn't known what he was up to?" she said and shook her head. "And I took you for someone smart."

"Maybe," I spoke with a hesitant tone since I couldn't predict how Baghra was going to react. "What I lack is an Amplifier."

Well, I certainly wasn't expecting Baghra to laugh into my face as if I had told her the funniest joke she had ever heard in her life. A frown appeared on my face. "She knows about the Amplifiers as well!" Baghra mocked me. "Be honest with me, girl –he has filled your head with this Amplifier nonsense, hasn't he?"

Of course, she was talking about the Darkling.

I turned my jade-green eyes away, "No, he hasn't." I spoke with a stubborn air around me, though I knew Baghra could easily notice the change in my energy. "I haven't even heard of him ever since he was gone."

A month had passed since I shared that little kiss with the Darkling in the war room, maybe it was even longer, I didn't really know.

I had never thought I'd be waiting so excitedly for his return; however, I couldn't help myself but wake up with the hope of seeing him every morning. Then, of course, I'd find out that he was still away and my day would automatically start badly.

Even though I hadn't heard anything from the Darkling, word would still arrive at the Little Palace. I didn't know why I had expected him to write to me in the first place; however, I got really upset when I realised that I'd not be getting any letters from him.

It was my foolishness, though –there was nothing serious between us, why would the Darkling write letters to a Grisha with whom he had only shared a simple kiss? I was sure he had shared countless kisses with many other Grisha and I got really, really angry at myself for keeping my hopes unnecessarily high.