The notebook of a flarus boy

Day Two

AUTHOR'S POV

Thomas took some time to process what he just read. What Newt just told him in this book. Thomas finally got his answer. Newt loved him too. He put his head in his hands and started crying loudly again. He really screwed up. He really could have given Newt an happy life here in the safe heaven. He was feeling more and more guilty. Because he really could have saved him. But he was too busy that he didn't even care to bother to look after Newt. Newt always looked out and supported him no matter what. And Thomas didn't do the same for him. And that's something he will live with until the end of his days.

But even though that was killing him, Thomas needed to see what was on the other side of that page. He had to. For Newt. For the love he will always have for him. So he turned the page and his reading continued.

"Welcome to the second day of my journey Tommy! I hope my first day didn't shock you that much! I didn't sleep well last night. In fact, I didn't sleep at all. Because I am so stressed out Tommy. I am so scared. Scared that I might hurt the others, that I might hurt you. And the last thing I want is to kill someone because of that bloody virus, to kill you. I spend the night sitting on the bed in the room I took, and I tied one of my hands to the bed to be sure that if I would fall asleep, I wouldn't go anywhere else than this room. Fortunately, that didn't happen. So when the morning arrived, I quickly changed my clothes and that's when I noticed my arm. Where I have been scratched, it was dark, almost black. And the viens going to my hand were all black. My eyes widened in shock as I quickly put my coat on to hide it. No one had to see this. And I didn't want all of you to find out so I tried to act like I was fine. You are probably wondering why I didn't come to eat the breakfast with all of you this morning. I know Gally offered us to all take breakfast together, but I couldn't come. I couldn't eat. Having the news that I will die just kill every needs in me. I feel empty. It's like the virus is taking control of my body. And I can't do nothing to stop that. And I didn't want to come mostly because you were all there, and I didn't want you to put you all at risk of being attacked by me and getting the virus, if some of you are like me, not immune. So I stayed in my room, putting my head between my hands and focusing on thinking about nothing. Theses voices were getting stronger, and sometimes, it's just some screams, going through my mind. There's no joy in me left. I only see darkness, negativity. I need this to stop. This isn't me! I am loosing my mind Tommy! I always saw the good side of things! And now I am the complete opposite! I am so scared! Even though I was avoiding all of you, there was this meeting later Gally informed me of later, about our plan to get Minho back and I knew I couldn't miss that. So I came. Oh and I regret it Tommy. So much. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. When you were explaining your plan and worrying about her, I knew you had good intentions, you love her and when we love someone we do everything to make sure that they are safe and happy. But the virus screwed it up once again. I had all theses bad thoughts going on in my head, I even had pulsions that were trying to make me kill you. But I fought them. I closed my eyes, focusing myself on chasing them away from my mind. It worked, but it's like I zoomed away. When I looked around me again you were pinned against a wall and I was holding you against it. You looked scared, sad and worried. I never saw this in your eyes before. That's when I realized that I was gone mad instead of killing you, which I am glad but what if I did Tommy? I would have never forgive myself. Loosing you, killing the one person I care about the most in this world, even killing myself wouldn't erase that much guilt. That's when I realized I needed to get as far as you and the others as possible. I tried to hurt you Tommy! I hurt you with my words! I would have never done that if I wouldn't have been under the control of that virus."

"I know, you were too good to be true Newt. You were a gift to this world." Thomas thought.

"So I am telling you, after we get Minho, and he is safe, and I am getting away Tommy. Without you. I thought about it and it's for the best. You won't have to worry about me anymore."