-Faint Love || SeungJin-

34. Longing

I build the courage in myself. I grabbed his hand and turned him around to face me. As soon as he turned around I slapped him. Very hard. He didn't reacted. He must be feeling he deserve it. Well he do.

"Hyunjin just why?" I held him by his collar and shook him with teary eyes. "I forgave you everytime thinking that some or the other day it will convince you that I love everything about you and it doesn't matter to me if you keep hating me. I kept waiting for you. I always wished to be happy with you. It was always me who would take the initiative to speak first. Do you think to love someone just to get hate in return is easy? It is hard to give your heart to someone who keeps breaking it continuously. My life is already a mess. I already have to live with this hole in my heart. Everyone hated me for this but I didn't choose this life. Living with hate is hard. I had my family and Jeongin with me, I wished that you will be on my side one day but it never happened. And now you are telling me that you were afraid to hurt me that's why you acted like that? Why are you so stupid Hyunjin? I said I would protect you and I did because I thought I was a burden on you. All those lies just for saving you turned out to be useless." he kept his head hanging low.

"Hyunjin, have I ever told you that I am in trouble because of you? I am hurt because of you? That you are a jinx to me? Have I ever told you any of these?" he shook his head. "See, but then too you kept blaming yourself. You kept acting a bad person's role in my life. That didn't affect me Hyunjin, because somewhere I had reason to live. It was my aim to make you like me once in my shitty life but it never happened. From what happened yesterday, I lost hopes. Now when I am dying you came up to me saying you love me from a long time. What should I do now? It's such a dilemma that if I forgive you, and something happens to me, it will go in vain, you will be hurt and if I don't forgive you, it will break me more. Tell me what should I do?" I asked blinking my tear. I finally let it out. Tears flowing from our eyes. We both were in pain.

"Seungmin." he sniffed and removed my hands from his collar to intertwine with his. I held his stare. "You will come back right?" that's it. I knew I can't hate him for a long time. I retratred my hands and threw them around his shoulders and he responded it. We hugged tightly. We cried in each others embrace.

"You wanted me to go away and now you want me to return?" I asked leaning my chin on his shoulder letting my tears soak his shirt.

"Please come back. Don't leave me alone. I want to keep all the promises I made. I am so sorry to hurt you this brutally. I won't let this happen again. I won't let a single soul lay a finger on you. I want to protect you again but this time I'll do it till the very end. Please Seungmin please forgive me. I don't want to loose you again."

I was longing for this feeling. I don't want to go away from him now. He has became my strength. I won't leave him. We will live happily again.

"Will you wait for me?" I asked sobbing hard.

"Always. I won't be tired of waiting for you. I will as long as you want to come back to me. I know you will return right?" he asked as we look at each other still in the hug. 

"I will. I want to. I now have a reason to come back Hyunjin. Please wait for me. I am sorry. I really gave you a hard time."

"It's me who should be sorry. If I had taken care of you from the start, this won't have happen."

"It was going to happen eventually."

"But it won't be this complicated. I am sorry minnie, I am really sorry. I am ready to reflect my actions I'm ready to compensate by being with you throughout my life. But minnie don't leave me, don't go away from me." I hugged him again as I cried. He called me Minnie. How much I miss this name coming from him.