One-shots

Grief- L/Beyond Birthday

Hope you enjoy!  Considered making this a lemon, but I decided against it.  It's a long one.

TW: Swearing, some suggestive language.

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            She sat across from the man who looks identical to her late husband in every way except for the scars that marred his body from when he set himself on fire and the orange jumpsuit that was standard for US prisons. Her husband was a detective, while the man before her, who looked so much like the man she loved, was a killer. Still, when she looked at the murderer before her, all she saw was her husband's face. She took a deep breath before she started.

"I'm sure you're wondering why I'm here." He smirked. The expression was all too familiar to her; her husband smirked at her the same way when he was teasing her.

"That's an understatement, but yes." She held strong in the face of his casualty, not once betraying her true thoughts or her true purpose here.

"You heard that L passed away, I'm sure?" His smirk vanished and he sighed, leaning back in the uncomfortable visitation room chair. He nodded, his eyes closing tightly.

"Yes, they told me. But that doesn't really explain why you're here." She took a deep breath, steadying herself for what she was about to say. She was sure that he would think that she was joking, when in fact she had never been more serious in her life.

"You see, I had a thought. I booked the conjugal visitation room for us. I would like to use it." His eyebrows shot up at her boldness. That was a trait he had always admired in her. She was never one to beat around the bush.

"Oh? And why is that?" She rolled her eyes.

"You very well know why. It would be a one-time thing, and then we can part ways and never see each other again, if that's what you want, B." She kept his stare with one of her own, her own eyebrows raised as if daring him to say out loud what she knew he was thinking about. Instead, he proposed another question.

"What's in it for me?" He leaned towards her as if to intimidate her, but she stood her ground as she always did. She had guts, he would admit, and she was quite stubborn when her mind was set on something.

"Simple; you get to fuck your greatest rival's widow." He scoffed.

"And what do you get out of this?" She shrugged.

"Do I need a reason to want this?" He leaned back once more, testing the limits of the chair.

"Why are you doing this Y/N? You and I both know it isn't out of interest in me. I've always loved you, but you wanted him all of our lives, and you're not one to sway or change your mind once it's made up. Not to mention that I'm a murderer. So, what's your real reason for wanting to do this?" At this question she finally broke. All of the emotion that she had been bottling up since L's passing quickly surged forward through her voice.

"Because you look like him, and I just want to pretend for one hour that he isn't gone." At this statement she buried her face in her hands and sobbed, the tears finally coming through. He sat in his chair awkwardly, not really knowing how to comfort the grieving woman other than to listen. "I will never get to hold L again. I'll never touch him, never kiss him, never feel him again. But you, B. You look like him, you sound like him, even a lot of your mannerisms are the same as him. If I bring you into that room, I can pretend for just an hour that he is still alive. All I need is one more chance to touch him and to love him, and then I'll be ok. Just one more time." Beyond placed his hand on top of Y/N's and she grabbed it tightly.

"Y/N, I really can't do that. You think that one more time will be enough, but as much as I look like him, sound like him, and maybe even feel like him, I'm not him. And somewhere, deep down in that fragile brain of yours, you know that. Sleeping with me isn't going to help you. It'll just remind you that he's gone because I'm not him, and I will never be him." Y/N lifted her head and stared at Beyond, tears trailing down the lines of her face. It took everything in Beyond not to wipe them away, but he knew that it wasn't his place. He loved her, and he was almost certain she knew that, and he knew that if he reached out to her he would give in to her proposal no matter how much it may damage her.

"Then what am I supposed to do, B? He's gone. There's nothing I can do to bring him back. The only thing I can do is simulate that he's still here, even if it's just for a little bit. What other option is there? To mourn and pray and hope to whatever God is out there that over time it'll hurt less?"

"Yes," Beyond said simply. "And it's going to hurt like hell. But the last thing you need to be doing is jumping into bed with a murderer, no matter how much I may resemble him. Y/N, I'm here for you if you need me, but not like that." Y/N released a bark of laughter.

"So now you decide to grow some morals. So killing people is fine, but sleeping with me when I'm begging you for it is out of the question? I knew your mind was fucked, B, but I never realized the extent." Beyond sighed, trying to control his temper at the stubborn woman.

"Y/N, it wouldn't help you, and I think you know that. I always wished it was me who had won you over, but it was L. It only hurts as much as it does because you loved him so much. I can't take you from him now. Especially not like this." She sobbed more but wiped her tears as they leaked from her eyes. He wanted to get up and take her into his arms, tell her that it'll be alright, but he didn't. He needed to remain distant to get his point across. Finally, her sobs slow into hiccups, and she took one shuddering, gasping breath, then another.

"I know you're right, B. I hate you for it, but you're right. I chose L, and as much as I wish you were him, you aren't. He scarred me, but one day those scars will be beautiful. Thank you, B." He nodded.

"Anytime, Y/N. I think visiting hours are up. Goodbye, Y/N." He bid her goodbye knowing that this would be the last time he saw her. He lost the woman he loved, but he can at least reflect and know that he made the right decision in letting her go.

"Goodbye, B."