Hybristophilia | Kylo Ren x Reader.

Hurt.

Once the sleeping pills wore off and you came to you were in Kylo's SUV, snuggled between Vicrul and Ushar in the back seats, covered in a soft black blanket. Memories of the evening were coming back to you in bits and pieces. Flashes of your torn dress, Hux's eyes, his face drained of colour, the blood...the, confession. You couldn't exactly remember the exact details of what happened to Flip, but you knew you were covered in blood that night, you knew you were angry, you knew deep down that it was your fault.

It was dark out, Kylo was driving fast along a highway, you looked up at him in the small rectangular mirror, his hazel eyes were focused on the road, deep bags beneath them making his perfect face look tired and weary. You wondered what he was thinking, you knew that killing Hux was his plan, but he was also going to get information out of him that would be beneficial to Snoke. You prayed that your actions wouldn't cause any disarray with Snoke, he wasn't the sort of man you wanted to mess with.


After shuffling around and making your head comfortable on Vicruls thigh you let your eyes close again, desperate to shut off the intrusive thoughts that were filling your head, but before you could settle, the car began to slow down. You looked over at the window, the ghastly neon sign of a motel pierced your vision and you groaned softly. A hand stroked through your hair gently, making you smile, but the fresh wound on your face seared, almost taking your breath away.


"You okay kid?" Vicrul whispered.


"Yeah." You replied, sitting up slowly, Ushar was snoring on your other side. "Is it bad?" You gestured to your face.


"I patched it up when you were asleep, it'll be okay."


"Still beautiful." Kylo grumbled softly.


Kylo left the car first, the door slamming rose Ushar from his deep slumber.


"Good morning sleeping beauty." You whispered, nudging his shoulder.


"Good morning, little Kylo."


You laughed gently, in a way you were becoming a little Kylo...but you weren't sure if that was a good thing or not.


You all left the SUV together. Vicrul and Ushar headed off to the vending machine, no doubt hungry from the unexpected road trip, and you followed Kylo to your room. It was small, but quiet, everything you needed to lay low for a while. It felt nice to just be alone with Kylo again, after being so lost without him.


"I'm sorry, if my actions are going to get you in trouble." You said quietly, your small hand rubbing his broad chest.


"You don't need to apologise, I will fix it." He said softly. He helped you down onto the bed, his baggy clothes swallowing you in warmth.


"Kylo, I think we need to talk...about what I said, in the shower." You sighed.

"Are you sure?" He said quietly.

You nodded.

"I remember..." You said, tears beginning to well in your eyes. "I remember feeling this rage, this anger...and I decided to go for a drive." You continued, closing your eyes to put the snippets together. "I'd been drinking...Flip, he, he'd broken up with me...that's why I didn't give him a ride home."

"It's okay, I'm here." Kylo said softly, holding your hands in his, soothing them.

"I drove, fast, I wanted to confront him...I was so angry..." Tears fell harder now, as the gravity of the situation plummeted down on you. "Then I hit a car...I saw it crash...I heard shouting. But before I could think I...I got out of my car, I walked over to the passenger window...and I fired every bullet out of the chamber..." You were openly sobbing now. "I'm a monster." You clutched your knees to your chest. Kylo wrapped both arms around you, cradling you like a child. "I'm a murderer, a bad person..."


 Kylo sighed and kissed the top of your head. "You're not a bad person, Peach. Not to me."

"How can you say that? I've killed people...I'm...I'm not good."

"Do you think Vicrul and Ushar are good people?"