Something Complicated

Chapter Twenty-Three: Silence Speaks Louder Than Words

Stefan Manzano has been acting weird around me. As days pass, he talks less and less. He still laughs or comments at my witty remarks, but it is not the same as before. I always try to open up the conversation, but he will just wave my efforts out.

Like earlier today, I asked him what gift I should buy for Basti and his bandmates as our way of saying thank you. He just shrugged and simply said "Maybe a plaque or something." I swear I even heard him say, "Why don't you ask Brandon?"

And speaking of Brandon, his visits have become frequent. He comes around seven or eight, when he knows I am already home. We talk about many things except Stefan and Sel. It is an unspoken agreement not to bring up anything personal.

But tonight is different.

"Can I do my plates here?" He sits down on the floor. We are at dad's mini library and I give him cookies and milk from the kitchen because he's hungry.

"Why? Is Kuya Brent out?" I squat beside him, making sure there's space between us.

"No. He's there with Anya," Yeah, Anya, the girlfriend Kuya Brent introduced to everyone last Sunday. The girlfriend who looks like their mom. It  still weirds me out. "I just don't want to be at home and I don't want to receive any calls or texts. I just...I'm confused."

I am not sure whether to hug him or to maintain the space between us. I choose the latter. "What is it? You can tell me."

"It's Sel—" He looks up to face me but I do not see pain in his eyes. What I see is regret. A feeling of remorse.

"Did you break up?"

"No. We're still together, Jenny." He says, chuckling faintly. "It's funny though, how you thought you were doing the right thing, and then you realized you're not. Then regret starts to eat you up."

I stare at him, unblinking, not knowing what to say. He moves closer to me and holds my hand. I know this is nothing. It means nothing. But it also feels like I am doing something behind Stefan's back.

And I want Stefan to go back to what he was before—funny, talkative, cool, corny, sweet. Not the cold and aloof version of him these past days.

I withdraw my hand from Brandon. Hurt flashes in his eyes, but I ignore it. I am even surprised that it is possible for me to ignore it. "Everything will be okay. You always told me that. You were always the positive between us two."

He sighs and lies down on the floor. "Have you ever had problems with Stefan?"

I think about it for a moment before nodding my head. We might not be in a real relationship, but that does not mean we never have problems. "It's normal to have problems. Nothing's really perfect."

"How come it's easy for you?" He covers his eyes with his arm. "You're always the one running to me for help."

"What do you mean it's easy for me?" I shake him lightly, prodding him to respond. Is he comparing his relationship with Sel to mine? Or is he talking about something else? When he doesn't react, I say, "Nothing's easy. Sometimes you just get used to it."

A part of me wants to comfort him in the way I used to. But the other half of me is thinking about someone else, too. We remain quiet, letting silence say the things we cannot say.

Brandon stands up and gives me the saddest smile ever. If there's such a thing as a sad smile. "Forget what I said, Jenny. I'll go now."