Something Complicated

Chapter Thirty-Four: Worrying Poisons the Brain

I have told Stefan of my plan to go to Barton after checking their English programme. I know they have a good English programme, but I had no idea how much until recently when Stefan scheduled a virtual tour for me.

I actually did not expect Stefan to do that for me. After hearing that I got accepted to Barton, he researched it and found out that it has a good English programme. Knowing that studying English is my dream, he decided to schedule a virtual tour for me.

The virtual tour has also helped me appreciate the school more. Even though it's a small college, it still is able to provide its students various opportunities to grow.

To be honest, the tour solidified my intention of going to Barton, even going as far as telling my parents about it. The good thing is they're supportive.

So there, I may be attending Barton in the fall.

Stefan, on the other hand, seems to be going to UCLA as planned. It's his top choice and it has an outstanding track program. Going there ticks off both boxes, so there's no way for him to double think.

He has not committed to them yet, but I know he will make the announcement soon.

I am happy for him no doubt, but a part of me is worried about what may happen in the future. UCLA and Barton are 38 hours away from each other, and I'm not sure if I'm ready for a long distance relationship.

"Hey Jenny," Brandon calls out to me, momentarily stopping the anxiety that's building in my heart. He said he'a going to drop by to tell me some good news. He's been doing this whenever he's receiving positive college acceptance letters.

"I have good news," he exclaims, his face showing both the excitement and happiness he's feeling. "I got accepted to NYU!"

"What? Oh my gosh, Brandon, that's good news!" I say, feeling honestly happy for him. "You truly deserve it!"

"Thank you, Jenny," He moves to hug me, but decides against it. He then offers his hand up for a handshake.

I chuckle and pull him in for a short friendly hug. Things might have changed, but I don't want awkwardness to ruin the moment. He worked hard, and this news deserves a proper celebration. "Let's celebrate! I'll cook adobo and pancit. I'll invite Stefan over."

"You don't have to do that, Jenny, but I'll be happy," he says, still smiling. "I'll bring kuya over. We can bring food, too."

I nod and smile at him. In a few months, we'll be going to different places to draw our future. It's scary as hell, but also exciting. Brandon clears his throat and asks, "So are you dead set on Barton?"

"Yeah. I already told Ma and Pa about it and they're supportive."

He nods and whispers, "How about Stefan?"

"Well, he's been supportive, too. I won't be able to know more about Barton if not for his idea to schedule me a virtual tour. I was still hung up with Notre Dame that I wasn't opening myself up to opportunities. Stefan just showed me what I might have missed if I closed my eyes on Barton."

What I said is true. Stefan knows that I'm still trying to recover from my Notre Dame rejection. I've been saying that I've moved on, but a part of me is still stuck. He really has been supportive of me, that's why I want to do the same for him, too.

"Where will he go?"

"UCLA, I think," I shrug. I know that's his dream and I don't want to be selfish and ask him to give up his dream for me. If we switched places, I don't want him to ask that from me, too.

"Are you okay with a long distance relationship?" Brandon asks, his voice gentle.

I shrug again and say, "I guess so? He has his dream, and I want to support it."

"I know you will. He's being supportive of you, too. Just remember to talk to him about your worries. Remember what happens when people don't talk."

With that, he stands up and waves goodbye.

***

Cacay doesn't usually visit me at home, except for an emergency girl talk. I take a pint of ice cream out of the freezer because that's a must for times like this.

"Okay spill," I tell Cacay who is staring at her phone.

"Randy and I broke up," she says, as if sounding nonchalant about it. Her facial expression says otherwise, though.

"Oh..."

"It's a mutual decision. He's going to Berkeley while I'll be in Pennsylvania. We both decided that going long distance is not in our plan."

I gulp. "I'm sorry to hear that, Cay."

She lets out a low laugh and shrugs. "I guess it's for the better. I like him, but I'm not sure if I'm willing to stress myself out because of him."

I nod. Am I willing to go through the stress of maintaining a relationship with Stefan when we'll be 38 hours away from each other?

"Jen, I know what you're thinking. You and Stefan are different from us, okay? For one, he hasn't committed to any school yet."

"But he will soon commit to UCLA," I say, matter-of-factly.

"How do you know? If he hasn't made up his mind now, it means he's considering things," She takes a spoon from the cupboard and starts digging on the ice cream. "Randy has made the decision because their coach is asking for it. Universities want to get their commitment now."

"But—"

Cacay puts a hand on top of mine and says, "Why not talk to him about it? We're now adults. We can talk about stuff like this."

"Okay," I nod.

***

Stefan and I are at Nona's to review for the upcoming comprehensive exams. It's the last set of major exams for the seniors before we bother ourselves with prom, send-off party and graduation.

"Lee, do you think I did my mind map right?" Stefan asks. I advised him to create mind maps in order to visualize his ideas and to make reviewing easy.

"Okay, but you have to check mine as well," I created a mind map for History because I suck at memorization.

"Deal," He smiles as he takes my notebook from me. "I wonder if reviewing for college exams feels like this."

The mere mention of the word college has made me fidgety. I clear my throat and tap my fingers on the table.

"Uh Manzano," I pause. He looks up at me, still looking worry-free, as if college is not putting our relationship to possible doom. "Randy and Cacay broke up. She told me it's a mutual decision because they don't want to do the long distance thing."

I stop to gauge his reaction. He is still looking at me with calmness written across his face.

"What do you think about it?" I continue.

"If it's a mutual decision by two agreeing adults, I have no qualms about it, but I see things differently from Randy."

Okay, what does he mean by that?

"What do you mean?"

"Our decisions are based on our priorities. Randy sees his priorities differently, as I do mine."

I put my pen down and move closer. "So you're saying Cacay is not Randy's priority?"

Stefan shakes his head as he playfully runs his fingers through my hair. "I'm not saying that. I know Randy likes Cacay, but maybe he has a different priority at the moment, and your friend does, too."

Okay, I guess this is the right time. "How about us, Manzano?"

Stefan smiles at me and plants a light kiss on my lips. "Let's take one step at a time, Lee. We still have time to figure things out."

He pulls me in for a hug and I whisper, "Okay."