Something Complicated

Chapter Twenty-Six: Guilt Trip

The dance is just weeks away and pressure is starting to build up inside me. Because I want everything to go smoothly as possible, I have spent most of my hours at the Lit Club office. That means I have spent less time with Cacay. And that also meant she's always on a date with Randy.

Stefan is a different story though. He still continues to pick me up at home and waits until our meeting is finished. Since I spend my lunch breaks at the office as well, he will drop by during break.

Zach keeps teasing me about him, but I just shrug it off. Though deep inside I am happy...and also confused. He is suddenly overly sweet and caring. If he is my real boyfriend, I can say he's doing a great job.

Brandon, on the other hand, continues to visit me at home. We continue to talk about everything, except Sel. Well, Sel is the only exception because for days, it's me who can't stop talking about Stefan.

"He's crazy! Like earlier today, he brought lunch for everyone. I thought he bought it somewhere but he cooked it the night before," I shake my head laughing. "I never imagined him to be the type who cooks."

Brandon is quiet so I go on. "Two mornings ago, he gave me two boxes of donuts. And at six in the morning," I turn red just thinking about it. "It turned out he bought it the night before after dropping me home. Weirdo!"

I am about to tell Brandon more when my phone chimes. I smile.

Stefan: I told you, I'm a good cook. Any requests for tomorrow?

Me: Not until you're able to cook my favorite kare-kare. That's a Filipino food. Look it up.

Stefan: Are you challenging me, Lee? Because I am warning you, I can try cooking kare-kare. Just give me time.

Me: Let's see, Manzano. Action speaks louder than words.

Stefan: Okay. Monday next week. Be ready.

"I think I'll go," Brandon stands up, his jaw tight. I actually forgot that's here.

"Uh, do you want something? We have cookies or I can make you a sandwich," There in my voice is guilt. Guilt of ignoring him while he's going through a tough time with Sel.

"No. You're busy," He stares down on my phone.

I immediately put it down on the center table and wave at it. "No. I was just texting Stefan—"

"You were never the texting type, Jenny," He says, his expression taut. "I don't know. You're here but it feels like you're not here."

I open my mouth to counter what he has said, but nothing comes out. He is right. A lot of things have happened between us, but in the end, I am still his best friend. And he needs me to be that same old best friend.

But we also both know that when he kissed me on my birthday, he pulled the trigger on this friendship. If things between us changed, that's because of that kiss.

"I am jealous, Jenny," He looks away. "Because I always had your time, your attention. Now I'm competing against Stefan and—"

"This shouldn't have happened if you didn't kiss me on my birthday and acted like everything's cool right after!" A tear quickly rolls down my cheek. I wipe it away before he can even see it. "So don't put Stefan on this. Don't act like it was his fault, that he stole me away from you. You're the one who pushed me away, Brandon."

"Jenny, I'm—"

"You're sorry? Yeah, you already said that. But you're still with Sel."

"And you're with Stefan."

"Don't put it like it's the same thing!" It's not the same. It will never be the same.

"It's not the same? Why Jenny?" He makes an attempt to hold my hand but I flinch. "Why is it not the same?"

I can never tell him. I can never tell him about my fake relationship with Stefan, about the fact that Stefan has the power to make my heart race with just a mention of his name. I can never tell him my fear that maybe I am already falling for Stefan and that I have broken the rule I made myself.

I can never tell Brandon all that without putting so much guilt on him.

And I can never tell him that without being guilty myself. Because I started my fake relationship with Stefan in the hopes of winning my best friend over, but I end up falling for my fake boyfriend instead.

My fake boyfriend who is still not over his ex. My fake boyfriend who will break my heart again. Just like that summer.

"Sorry, Jenny," he says before leaving.

"I'm sorry, too," I whisper.