Chapter Twenty-One: The Second First Kiss

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It was not our first kiss, but it felt like it was.

I roll over in bed for the nth time, willing myself to sleep. But no matter how I try, I just can't forget about how his lips felt against mine.

Why did Stefan kiss me? It is clear in our contract that there should be no kissing. We both agreed to it. We signed it. So why did he do it?

I cover my face with a pillow and silently scream.

Over a month ago, I thought I was in love with my best friend. When Brandon kissed me, I was sure of my feelings for him. I was hurt when he told me he was dating Sel, and I was even more hurt when he began to ignore me. My heart is in pain at the thought of him kissing someone who is not me.

When you feel both jealousy and pain, it means you are in love. I am sure about that until tonight.

If I am in love with Brandon, why can't I get Stefan out of my mind? Why did my heart jump when our lips brushed?

All I could think of when our lips met was how I wanted to melt into him. With Brandon, what I felt after the kiss was guilt, confusion and pain. With Stefan, I felt warmth.

If I am in love with Brandon, why is there a part of me wishing my relationship with Stefan is real?

I roll over again and stare at the clock. 1:45 A.M.

I close my eyes and imagine the kiss. Again.

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