me, finding a note in my breakfast saying "i love you": how cute! i love you too, egg
my gf, who left the note: *sigh*
me: i'm going to a friend's house. the only reason i want to hear from any of you is if someone's dying or dead.
me: okay have fun
flight attendant: before we take off, please ensure that all small items are secure
shroom: *looks at me*
me: what?
shroom: do you feel safe?
me: SHROOM YOU ARE AN INCH TALLER THAN ME-
me: sometimes i feel like i've failed as the mom friend
the police officer, who i'm giving money to for the bail of the rest of the group: only sometimes?
shroom: that sounds dumb. there's no way i'm letting you do that-
blu and char: :(
shroom: -without me!
blue and char: :D
me: are you mad?
angel: no
me: so committing arson at 3am is just part of your routine?
angel: yes. how did you not know this?
any of us: gay thoughts are a bus and i'm regina george
shroom: YOU FUCKING DICK! I TRUSTED YOU AND YOU FUCKED ME OVER!
angel: I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND AND YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME
me, taking away the monopoly board: okay this game is now banned from family game night-
