me, giving a "youtuber apology": i'm sorry that ppl are jealous of me, but i can't help that i'm hot.
me, pointing at the "m*rder room*: what's that? some kind of linen closet?
angel and char: yeah 🥰🥰 what's a linen closet? 🥰🥰
char, getting a text: oh it's angel!
blu: did they get me the haunted house stuff?
char: yeah, he got you the clown costume, the power drill and twelve gallons of blood.
blu: wow, where did she find twelve gallons of fake blood?
char: ...you wanted fake blood? i'll call angel.
char, unexpectedly turning up at my doorstep: hey
me: what's are you doing here?
char: running away from my problems
me: come on in
char, phoning me: hey, one of our kids is in jail. angel and i have to go bail them out. any tips?
me: bring a lot of cash and when you flash it to the police, do not speak. let your eyes do all the talking, okay?
me: some people give off a vibe like... right away they're like "do not fuck with me"
me: mine is probably more like "you could probably pour soup in my lap and i'd apologise to you."
me: shroom is the reason i wake up each morning
blu: awww
shroom, earlier that morning, smacking pans together: WAKE UP BREAKFAST ISN'T GOING TO MAKE ITSELF
(i didn't rlly know who to use for that one so i used shroom cause he's like my platonic partner lol)
me: was that bit supposed to happen?
blu: what bit?
me: the bit where you set the house on fire
char: yeah, not really
shroom: in our defence, it doesn't usually happen
angel: well, in my defence, you guys really shouldn't have that much flammable stuff in one room
char: sorry, but you're under arrest for robbery
angel: damn, is that it? i stole that shit for a good reason. i barely even used it to k!ll the guy.
char: i was gonna say you stole my heart as a pickup line but i'll help you hide the body if you want-
nikki: stop being boring and help me hide the body!
me: i'm not being boring, i'm being a law-abiding citizen!
nikki: pot-ay-to, pot-ah-to. you're gonna let me back into your house and get arrested for harbouring a criminal anyway.
me:...dammit, you're right. pass me the shovel.
