blu: what are you doing?
shroom: i'm writing a note to the government. they want to know what weapons we have and i want them to know that it's private information
blu: you just wrote "fuck around and find out" in calligraphy-
shroom: it's a letter to the government, it's gotta be formal
me, giving a "motivational speech" before a competition: win. lose. it doesn't matter, because at the end of the day, i still have this face, so who's the real winner here?
angel: *breaks the law*
me: *duct tapes it back together*
restaurant security, bringing char: is this your child?
shroom: yes?
security: they ate a chair
me: well, you did say it was an all you can eat-
nikki: why is there a dead person in here?
me: there was probably a living person in here and then something happened that made them dead.
nikki: FUCKING AWESOME ANALYSIS, BEE
me: i left notes w instructions for everyone tonight
angel: mine just says "angel no"
me: i want you to apply it to every possible situation
cop: you ran a red light
char: so did you, hypocrite
cop: i was following you
char: that's dumb, i was breaking every traffic law
cop: get out.
nikki: there's a light at the end of every tunnel!
me: it's usually an oncoming train. don't waste your life waiting for the light, you just get run over.
char: say yes to drugs
blu: say no to drugs
me: it doesn't matter what you say to drugs, because if you're talking to drugs, you're definitely taking them
*when char and angel have kids and shroom and i are babysitting*
shroom: where the fuck are my keys?
me: shroom, the baby's here, maybe you could say it a little nicer?
shroom: oh, i'm sorry, may i ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING KEYS???
blu: what happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
blu: it becomes daytrogen
me:
me: i'm going to bed-
blu: good nitrogen! sleep tightrogen!
nikki: how come you haven't gotten arrested yet?
angel: dumb luck
angel: in that i'm lucky cops are dumb
