honeysuckle

twenty - five.

TRIGGER WARNING: slight panic attack

TUESDAY, 3:23am

Tooru was laying in bed staring up at the ceiling. His encephalon was filled with uncomfortable and  yet delightful thoughts. He seemed dazed almost — addlepated more than anything. It was early in the morning and that was the time when the mind like to overthink things.

"It's okay that you have feelings for him."

Tooru winced. It wasn't supposed to be like that at all. It wasn't supposed to end the way that it did.

"Tooru, I had a feeling that this might not work. I see the way you look at him compared to me. he was the whole galaxy in your soul. while I was the lost stars in your eyes that lost its hue."

Tooru felt foolish. How could he let someone that was a precious gem go? But at the same time this other person he brighten up his day just by his smile alone or his corny jokes.

But he could do it too.

Both of them could.

But Tooru thought it was best to leave the past for a new future.

"Tooru, I'm not hurt. I saw this coming. So I had already prepared myself."

Tooru bit his bottom lip feeling it slightly quiver at the thoughts of those words. Those words made his heart break. Tooru felt even more ruthless and all he wanted to do was scream.

He wanted to storm out right now and rush to find him. Tooru wanted to find him and tell him he is sorry for everything.

but he was too late. he knew that.

But, he still felt the need to apologize. How could he ever make someone feel like that? That was never his intention but it happened.

And the facial expression he had when they both were out their friends at the pastry shop not too long ago. he looked so hurt when he mention that he is texting someone. the someone who broke the love they once had—or still have for one another.

When Koushi first met Hajime, he could see the glint of excitement Tooru had in his eyes when ever the latter appeared. Koushi deflated each time Iwaizumi appeared because the things he lacked around Tooru — was what Hajime excelled at.

The moment Koushi thought him and Tooru was going to be a couple. It all changed when Tooru changed course and began to talk with Hajime about dating.

All the late night kisses, hugs, hand holding, cute little dates were thrown out the window. But as said before Koushi saw it coming. After awhile he didn't stress about it anymore because he rather have the person he gained feelings for—be happy.

Why couldn't Tooru have both?

Poly isn't seen as normal in society. Also it's beyond rare to see couples who have more than one significant other in a relationship. Society also looks down on same sex relationships as well.

Plus Tooru knew Koushi and Hajime wouldn't share feelings with one another. So knowing that fact—he couldn't have both.

oh. how he wished things were easy. But, weirdly Koushi and him were still good friends. Sometimes awkward but good friends.

Tooru gulped. As he turned over onto his side spotting his phone beside him. He reached over slowly grasping the device in his grasp pulling it back towards him.

He unlocked his phone taking some deep breathes. While biting a little harder on bottom lip trying not to let his memories get to him. As went to the call app, clicking the number three on speed dial. He put the phone to his ear listening to ring tone.