꧁༺ʍʏ ǟʊռȶ༻꧂ || ƈǟքȶǟɨռ քʊʄʄʏ

꧁༺ʟɛȶȶɛʀֆ༻꧂

꧁༺ƈɦǟքȶɛʀ 31༻꧂

꧁༺ʍօռɨ'ֆ քօʋ༻꧂

(I don't really put outfits for Harmonia since when she streams or are in calls it's just normal yellow clothes)

After that interesting call, I got back on my bed. Aunt Puffy gave me a new notebook to write in my thoughts about mom's death. I do that, writing down my feeling on how I need to move on from this, even though it's the death of someone who has impacted your life, you can't cry forever.

I also wrote down how I didn't really feel sad...? Since I've been here for a long time, and mom wasn't really around, even in calls she was busy, so she kinda felt...absent? But it also feels cruel of me to not miss her that much...

But I actually write those feelings in the form of letters, letters in the notebook that hopefully, mom sees.

I don't believe in ghosts, but I just think that her conscience is somewhere around to see these.

I flipped to a new page, with a new topic.

Dear mom,

What happens when you die? Is your conscience still out there? Do you become a ghost and just wander around? Is there an afterlife? Is the afterlife of any religion real?

I guess the only answer is if you die yourself.

But I can't imagine myself finally closing my eyes and nothing happening afterward.

Are you actually reading these? There's no proof to support that, what if ghosts can't actually make things move and float like we're supposed to believe?

The more I think of you not being able to read these, and your soul not being around, it makes me sadder and sadder, it makes me miss you more because I really want you to still be around, being with me even if I can't see you, but WHERE ARE YOU? I FEEL AS I'M JUST WASTING MY TIME, MAKING A FOOL OF MYSELF WRITING TO LETTERS TO SOMEONE WHO IS GONE.

MOM, I MISS YOU.

I WANT YOU BACK.

I WAS WRONG. 

I CAN'T MOVE ON.

I miss you so fucking much.

I don't think I can deal with this death.

I stopped writing. Tears fell on the pages as I started crying once more.

I miss her.

I miss mom.

(ngl I'm crying while writing this chapter. Also because there's sad music in the background)