The Way I Feel Inside | h.s.

16

Bee's POV:

Those shrooms were stronger than I gave them credit for. My mind and body felt fuzzy, and the stage lights looked way more interesting than I knew they were. And I kept getting distracted by the screens behind Harry. When they weren't showing real-time close ups on his face, which was distracting enough, they would show different visual images. There was one visual that had different colored fish swimming around, bumping into then dancing with each other. I thought I was imagining the dancing part and was ready to blame the shrooms, but I leaned over to Anna and made sure she saw it too. Since we were both on the same drug, that didn't really confirm anything. But even if it wasn't the actual reality, it didn't really matter because Anna and I got to share that reality together. We kept giggling and impersonating the dancing fish every time they showed up on the screen.

There was another visual that got a huge response from the crowd the first time it appeared on the screen. The response was so loud that Harry started laughing in the middle of a song. It was a photo of him, one that has become somewhat infamous to his fans since his second album came out. When it first appeared on the screen, it took up the whole screen space before effects were added to it. Then it would multiply into several small versions of it, it would change colors, it would spin around. And every time it showed up on the screen, the crowd would erupt into a combination of laughter and screams. A large group of people in the pit even started a chant whenever they saw it: "TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING!"

It felt like I was in a movie theater watching a horror movie with the way Anna and her friends reacted to it. I don't think I've ever laughed harder. I had tears streaming down my cheeks.

Although we were close enough to the stage to see Harry clearly, it was still nice to see the super close-up shots of him on the screens. His skin looked like it was glowing and I just wanted to reach out and touch him. I almost did a couple of times, forgetting that I was not actually within arms-length.

I even forgot for a moment about the fact that I had met and been with Harry. I think between the drinks, the mushrooms, the crazy energy of the arena, and meeting Anna and her friends, I let myself just be in the moment. I wasn't ever intending on being smug the whole time anyway, by telling Anna or anyone the story behind why I was actually at the concert. It was more fun this way and I still felt the same way I felt earlier this afternoon - once I talk about it, it makes it real to more people than just Harry and me. Once I talk about it, other opinions are invited in, whether I like it or not.

There was one point, however, when my fuzzy vision was stuck on the large screen staring into Harry's glittering green eyes, pondering all of this. And of course he was singing Falling. A lot of people in the audience were crying during the song, understandably so. I was too, but while I'd cried so many times to that song for so many other reasons, this time I was crying because I wanted this to last forever. I'd already gotten so much more than I could've ever dreamed this weekend, but I'm only human - I wanted more. So I let myself take those four minutes to quietly mourn the fleeting moment that this weekend would become.

Luckily, it was the perfect time to have my own pity party without calling any attention to myself because as I looked around after the song ended, everyone around me at least had tears in their eyes, if not fully sobbing.

Harry and I hadn't made eye contact since the very beginning of the show. Given the fact that I was fairly certain he changed his opening song for me, I didn't feel upset about the lack of direct contact for the remainder of the show. Not to mention the outfit change. And the two orgasms he gave me earlier today. I couldn't be greedy. So I rode the high that the mushrooms were giving me, sang along to the songs, and admired Harry in all of his power.

It was fun seeing him interact with people in the crowd. He'd found a few signs that caught his eye which resulted in him being told some bad jokes, singing happy birthday to seven different people (all of whom he remembered the names of), and telling at least a dozen people that he was in love with them just like they were with him. My cheeks heated subconsciously every time I heard him say it or saw his lips mouth it when he wasn't at his microphone.

He sang Anna and our whole row went ballistic for it. Me and all of Anna's friends sang it directly at her and she danced up and down our row, having us twirl her and enjoying us fawning over her.

Harry finished the show with Treat People With Kindness. I literally felt the ground shake during the dance break as hundreds of people performed the routine from his music video - or tried to, in the small space they had. It was awesome seeing the people in the pit do it because they didn't have to work around any seats. A few large groups of them actually managed to spread themselves out enough to do the dance full-out. Harry was grinning ear-to-ear and he wolf-whistled for them as they performed for him. I felt like I was part of a flash mob. It was absolutely magical.

After his big finale was finished and he left the stage, the lights came up and I collapsed onto my seat.

"Wow." I said simply.

Anna was still standing, starting to gather her things. "I know. That was fucking awesome. And I'm tripping fucking balls right now!"

I laughed as I wiped sweat off my forehead, fanning myself with my open blazer jacket. "Yeah, those shrooms are really good. I didn't take much but I'm still feeling 'em."

She took the plastic bag out from her cleavage and shoved it against the center of my purple bralette. "Here. Take them. We have tons."

I instinctively grabbed the bag and looked at it blankly before shrugging and putting it into my purse. I stayed seated, looking between the now-empty stage and the thousands of crying, sweating fans.

Anna's voice from above me eventually got my attention. "Well? You ready to head out? You wanna come with us?" She smiled down at me tiredly.

I smiled up at her but shook my head. "No, I'm going to sit here for a little bit longer, recover from all that." I gestured with my hand to the stage.

She crouched down a bit, looking deep into my eyes. "You sure? You good?"

I nodded, knowing I had other plans. But I smiled brightly at her, thankful for her genuine concern. "You guys were the best neighbors. It was so nice to meet you!" I stood up to hug her tightly.

She wrapped her arms around my neck before pulling back and running her hands through my hair, staring at it a little bit with her blown-out pupils. "You're an angel, Beatrice." She leaned forward and kissed my cheek. "You have my number, right?" She pointed at me with brows raised.

I nodded at her. "Definitely. Get home safe." I leaned my upper body around her and waved my hand up at the rest of her group who I hardly spoke to, but who were all looking at me like I was their best friend. I decided to walk down the row, hugging each of the strangers goodbye.

As they left, I plopped back down in my seat. I sat staring at the stage for another few minutes, getting my bearings on reality again and mentally preparing myself to see Harry.

Finally, I got up and went to the nearest restroom to pee and freshen up. In the mirror, my pupils didn't look too large, but they definitely were not sober pupils. I ran my fingers through my waves and splashed some cold water onto my cheeks.

I reached into my purse, scooting my hand around my phone and the bag of mushrooms until I reached my wallet. I pulled it out and opened it to get the lanyard that I received when I arrived at the back entrance earlier this evening. The lanyard had a bright pink card attached to the end of it with the words "BACKSTAGE" in bold black letters. I didn't want to wear it during the concert.

I put the long lanyard on, flipping my hair out from underneath it, then tucked the card into the top of my pants and buttoned up my blazer. Giving my reflection one more once-over, I nodded in reassurance.

Time to go see Harry.