The Way I Feel Inside | h.s.

18

Bee's POV:

I clutched my fingers tighter into his hair as my lips stayed planted on his. I felt the fullness of his lips and heard the soft puffs of exhales from his nose. I opened my eyes to sneak a peak at him, only to find his eyes open and looking right at me. We stared at each other in the kiss until I released his lips with a soft smacking sound.

"Why are you looking at me?" I asked, moving his head back with my hold on his hair, just enough to see his full face better.

Harry scoffed. "You were looking at me!" His hands moved up from their spot on the couch on either side of me so that each hand grasped a handful of my fleshy hips through my silver sequins.

I tossed my head back against the back cushion and breathed out a laugh before looking at him again. The soft glow of the lamps by us made him golden, and the vanity lights shining bright from the far side of the room just so happened to be surrounding his head where he was right in front of me. Just like last night under my LED lights, I was with an angel.

His eyes held a lot of mystery. But I didn't necessarily want to solve anything. I liked the way he looked at me, even though for the most part I couldn't even begin to guess what he was thinking about. All I knew was that right now, he was looking at me. Right now, he was touching me. Right now, he was with me. And that felt really fucking good.

With his hands on my hips, I smiled when he rested his upper body weight on his forearms on the tops of my thighs so he could be more comfortable in his position between my legs. 

It was such an insignificant detail, but it's something that's always been a turn-on for me. I've always had a very solid frame, feeling too big to call myself 'thin' but too small to call myself 'curvy'. I've always had thick thighs and belly rolls. I believe the -ism that society has given my size is 'midsize'. I've always really appreciated my body for what it was, seeing my legs as powerhouses that carry me through each day, and my belly as a soft reminder that I have the luxury and freedom to eat what tastes good, virtually whenever I want to eat it.

Harry's voice interrupted my thoughts. "What are you smiling at, Beatrice?"

I focused on him again, raising my eyebrows at the formal name. "Beatrice? Am I in trouble?"

He smirked and squeezed my hips. "Not right now," he leaned forward and placed a soft, gentle kiss on my lips before pulling back again, "but you will be if you don't tell me what you're thinking about."

My hands released their grip on him and I wrapped my arms loosely around his neck. "I was thinking about the way you touch me, and how much I appreciate it." I nodded my head down toward my legs. "I like that you put your weight on me, like without hesitation or worrying about hurting me. You did it this morning too, when we hooked up. It lets me know in a way that you think I'm strong. At least, strong enough to handle some weight being put on my thighs. I feel like it sounds weird saying it out loud, but it's just really hot to me." I peeled my lazy head off the cushion to kiss the side of his jaw before collapsing back to my comfy spot.

Harry's look shifted to one of... adoration? It was hard to distinguish between the nuances of his facial expressions but I'm fairly certain that adoration fit the way he was looking at me now, with his lips curved up in a small smile and his head tilted just slightly. He was making my face and stomach heat up in a delicious way.

His hands rubbed up to my waist under my blazer to the waistband of my pants and back down to my hips. "I do think you're strong," he murmured, "as strong as you are soft." His hands traveled back up to the waistband and stayed there, his fingertips grazing over soft roll of flesh that rested over the fabric of the pants on each side. "I know we only just met, but I love your body, and I love that you love your body," his voice drawled and sounded like he dropped an octave. His fingers danced up a bit further to feel over the small rolls that were created from my sitting position. "Thank you, for letting me touch the soft parts of you." He brushed his nose against mine, then his fingers slowly slithered their way back down to my hips.

His words had me in a trance and I didn't realize I was mouth breathing until I noticed my lips had dried up. I licked my bottom lip. "Damn Harry, you really know how to make a girl feel special," I breathed against his mouth.

Suddenly his hands were under me, grasping at my ass and pulling me down toward him. I gasped as I landed on his thighs with my legs curled up and feet planted on the floor on either side of him, my back against the front of the couch, in a relaxed version of a crouching position as he was perched on his knees. He kept one hand on the top of my ass while the other splayed out next to my shoulder on the front of the same cushion I was just sitting on.

Despite the playful changing of position, his face dropped slightly, looking a bit more serious. "You should always be spoken to this way, Bee." His eyes looked between mine, and his arm on my ass moved up to hook strongly around my waist, pulling me closer to him. "You should hear these words so often that your mouth doesn't go dry and your jaw doesn't go slack when you hear them."

I smiled and shook my head at him slowly, which made him furrow his brows but return a smile back to me. "What?" he asked.

I tightened my arms around his neck, bringing my chest flush to his, and leaned forward so my lips brushed against his. 

I looked at him for a moment before pushing my lips onto his, sucking his bottom lip in between mine which made him sigh and tighten his arm's vice grip around me. I didn't mind that it felt like a boa constrictor was holding me. When I released his lip he pushed himself forward with a more purposeful kiss, his tongue slipping into my mouth. I immediately responded by meeting my tongue with his before I pushed his back into his own mouth and pulled back with heavy breaths.

I shook my head at him again. "The things you say, they're so kind and heartwarming that they're almost... frustrating to hear." I released one of my arms from around his neck and brought it around to caress his cheek. "Before I met you, there was a part of me that wondered if you were even a real person." My eyes followed my fingertips as they explored his cheek, temple and brow line. "Then I met you and I was like, 'yep- ok he's real.'" My fingertips resumed their dance down the slope of his perfect nose, flicking down across his lips and pressing to his chin.

"But ever since then, everything you say, just brings me back to square one." I rubbed my thumb on the center of his chin like he's done to me, then grasp his chin between my thumb and forefinger. "The problem is, Harry, you are real."

My eyes finally looked back up to his, which were slightly drooped but still focusing on me. I wondered briefly if he liked having his face touched. I know I loved touching his face. "You're real, and I just don't know how anything else in my life can ever feel as real and as good as you. As good as this."

Harry brought up his hand that was rested on the couch and cradled the side of my head in it. His lips twitched up slightly before he said, "Maybe it's just the mushrooms?"

I chuckled, feeling grateful for the joke. I couldn't get too wrapped up in the feeling of comprehending the impermanence of this.

I leaned my head into his hold, staring into his twinkling eyes. "Must be the shrooms," I nodded.

Two loud knocks on the door startled us but we didn't have time to fully react because we heard the door swing open.

"Harry, let's go, it's snuggle time and-" my head snapped to the door as Harry attempted to do the same thing but couldn't fully turn around in the position he was in. 

I was face-to-face with Mitch who was followed shortly after by Sarah, the two of them staring at me as I straddled Harry on the floor of his dressing room.