Here For You

9

TW's:
-Mentions (emotional/psychical abuse)
-Panic attack

Clay's POV

I woke up already irritated the next morning and stood up before George could shower. I took a quick shower and just stood there, thinking about my life. Even though I wanted to leave George alone, I couldn't. Every time I saw him, I had to say something mean to relieve the hate inside of me.

TW panic attack/mentions mental abuse

I started thinking back to my dad and all his insults passed again. They kept coming and coming and made my chest tighten.

I wish you were never born

I loved you before, but you've ruined everything

Shall I just crash the car so you're dead?

I'll bring you to the train rails, you just have to stand on it and wait

I started crying and started hyperventilating again. I had panic attacks more often, but this one felt so incredibly real that it felt like I was going to die any second from now.

I turned off the shower and managed to pull on some boxers and shorts as I cried my eyes out. I was laying on the ground curled up like a ball and I started breathing faster and faster. My breathing sounded high and really quick and I let out a soft whisper for help.

'I'm dying,' I whispered. 'Help me.'

It didn't take long before someone knocked on the door and I unlocked it as George came in. I wanted to push him away, but I was way too weak and too busy with not dying.

George knelt down on the floor next to me and hugged me against his body without saying anything. He ran his hand through my hair and let me listen to his heartbeat while focusing on his breathing rhythm.

I closed my eyes and melted away in his touch, I forgot about the fact I hated him. I just appreciated it a lot at the moment.

'Calm down, Clay. Try to breathe like I'm doing. It's going to be alright, you're not going to die. I'm with you.'

TW over

I nodded slowly and after five more minutes, my breathing rhythm went down a bit and I started calming down. I didn't want to push George away this time, but I slowly stood up. I quickly dried my chest, arms and my hair and pulled on a shirt as I walked to our room.

George locked the door and turned the shower on a minute later as I grabbed my phone. I was completely exhausted after my panic attack and just stared at my phone without any meaning.

I listened to the sounds coming from the shower and it seemed like George was sobbing softly. I didn't want to knock on the door or whatever, so I just stared at my phone again.

I was so sad, I was genuinely upset. I was scared of myself, would I ever go as far as my dad did? Would I? I couldn't even tell it myself, even if I told myself I would never go that far, I still went further each second. I had also told myself I wouldn't do anything my dad had done, but I was already doing that. I was breaking an innocent boy.

I closed my eyes and my dad's face appeared in front of my vision. I saw him smile at me as he held my hand, I was younger. We were running together through the woods and I saw my dad showing me a big mushroom on the ground.

After that my dad lifted me up and threw me in the air, catching me after. He kissed my cheek as I had a lot of fun with him. My dad put me down on the ground again and pointed at a tree a little bit further on the path. He challenged me to a running contest, who would be quicker.

I was young so I didn't know my dad let me win back then. After I won, my dad lifted me up again. He told me he was going to buy me an ice cream because I won. I felt so bad for my dad that I told him to buy some ice cream for himself too.

We walked the rest of the path in the woods and my dad had lifted me up, because I was too tired to walk any longer after I ran so quickly. We went to an ice cream shop, I got two scoops of ice cream. One vanilla, one chocolate. My dad got one strawberry and one vanilla and we sat down on a bench in the sun as we ate our ice cream.

I was sitting in my dad's arms, holding my head against his chest as we slowly ate our ice cream and enjoyed the sun. After we ate our ice cream, we went back home. I greeted my mum, but I sat down with my dad on the couch, watching some television.

There was a football match and he explained the rules to me. Football seemed interesting to me and I asked my dad to play a game with me at the grass field close to our house. My dad agreed and we went to the field to play a short game.

He let me win again which felt like something really big to me. I won a football game from my dad, my hero. The man I loved so much and he loved me too. He was my absolute hero and I always talked about him at school.

TW mentions abuse

Suddenly the scene in front of me changed. I saw alcohol bottles, I saw the mean eyes of my dad. I heard screaming voices and saw myself cry. I heard myself say that one sentence and saw my dad's look change.

I saw my dad coming closer to me on the last day I saw him, I saw him clenching his fists and the memory ended with a fist against my face. The memory continued with me in hospital, fighting to survive.

I screamed as I opened my eyes again and looked down at my hands in shock. My memories had never gone this far and I wished they would never have.

1031 words

Summary:
Clay has another panic attack when thinking about what his dad did to him in the past.