Here For You

13

TW's:
-Mentions panic attacks
-Self harm (passing out)

Clay's POV

After I told Gogy about my feelings, I had an anxiety attack. Luckily George calmed me down, although I still hated him and his secretive behaviour. I hated the fact that he locked himself up for half an hour in the bathroom.

When he came back, he was really pale and he was walking with some difficulty. I didn't feel like asking about it and grabbed my phone. I saw I had a text of Gogy.

TW mentions self harm

Gogy
I just cut myself and passed out

Dream
Oh gosh, can you ask someone for help?

Gogy
No one knows I cut myself

Dream
You can only tell them you've passed out, you need help, Gogy

Gogy
Okay

TW over

I laid my phone back down as I heard George stand up below me. He slowly walked to the door and I frowned. 'Where are you going?'

He turned around with a deadly look in his eyes. 'I'm just going for a walk.'

I shrugged. 'Fine, I'm going to the group so you won't bother me anymore.'

George nodded slowly and we walked next to each other to the place the others were. I wanted to sit next to Sapnap, but I noticed George already sat down next to him.

I sat down on the other side as I enjoyed the sun for a bit. George was talking with Sapnap and Sapnap seemed really concerned. He looked at the table, there was a can of coffee and some sugar. He grabbed the sugar and gave it to George. I didn't know what they were doing so I looked away as I worried a bit about Gogy.

He cut himself so much that he passed out and that was worrying. I didn't know why no one helped him in real life. It was pretty easy to notice, right? You would either see his scars and wounds or he would wear hoodies all the time-.

I looked at George pulling his sleeves far over his hands, but I pushed the thought away immediately. George didn't cut himself, George was just dumb and weird. Gogy had real problems and George was just strange with his mum making his hoodies.

I focused on the sun again and thought back about Gogy's and my conversation this afternoon. I had finally told someone I was gay, although I didn't really want to tell someone. After Niki told me it was better to talk about it, I could only trust Gogy enough with my secret. No one else would ever get to know the fact that I only liked boys.

I had liked one boy in the past, I didn't know if I still did. It was a bit confusing since I had feelings for Gogy too. I was always happy to talk to Gogy, I blushed a lot and I felt butterflies sometimes. I had imagined us meeting in real life often, I even imagined kissing him sometimes. I probably liked him, I just wasn't sure. I hadn't seen him and personality was the most important, but looks also matter in some way.

I sat in the sun until it was dinner time and we ate with the group. George went back to our room and I sat down next to Sapnap in the setting sun. A cold breeze was brushing through my hair and I felt relaxed.

'Why were you and George talking for so long?'

'Why do you care?'

'I was just wondering.'

'So you can make fun of him again?'

'No, I was just genuinely wondering.'

Sapnap shrugged. 'He didn't feel well, low blood sugar, I think. I gave him some sugar and he feels a bit better.'

I nodded and looked at my hands. I wanted to tell him everything that was going on so badly, but I just didn't know how and I didn't dare to. Instead, I tried get his opinion about it.

'Do you think George is gay?'

'What? How would I know?'

'Would you care?'

'No, dude. Stop, are you also homophobic now?'

'I'm not.'

'Well, it seems that way. I'm not your friend anymore if you're also homophobic, because for that matter, I'm not homophobic.'

'Sap, stop. You're being mean.'

'I'm being mean? What do you call what you do to George then?'

'I'm not homophobic, I uh- I- like uh-.'

'You like?'

'B-bo-.' I looked at my hands and Sapnap became quiet. He looked at me and grabbed my hand.

'You like boys?'

'N-no,' I whispered. 'Bo-books.'

'You have never even touched a book.'

'And I like uh- boyish girls?'

'Sure, you're just gay as hell,' Sapnap giggled.

'No, I'm not.'

'It's fine, Clay.'

I stood up and didn't hesitate any longer. I started walking away as fast as I could. I felt my chest tighten as I felt a tear roll down my face and I ran to my room, slamming the door behind me.

George was laying on his bed, he seemed to be crying. He quickly wiped his tears away as he saw me and smiled. 'Hi, are you okay?'

'SHUT UP, I HATE YOU. DON'T TALK TO ME.'

George nodded softly and I laid down in bed, grabbing my phone as I saw multiple texts from Gogy.

TW mentions self harm/panic attacks

Gogy
I need you :(
Dream, I cut again
I think I had a panic attack
I'm so sorry for messing up, are you mad?
I don't know what to do

Dream
Oh my goodness, Gogy. I'm so sorry, I couldn't check my phone. Are you okay?

Gogy
I'm just a bit sad, I think I'm okay. My wounds stopped bleeding, it just hurts

Dream
Gogy, I'm so sorry for not replying. I'm really worried about you

Gogy
It's fine, I'm just breaking. I want to go home

Dream
Is there a way you could go home? Or someone who could help you?

Gogy
I'm not sure, but I want to sleep now. I'm sorry for worrying you, I hope you're okay

Dream
I'm okay, please stay safe. Text me when you're awake, I'll stay up at night to comfort you <3

Gogy
I love you, I'll text you

Dream
I love you too, stay strong <3

1031 words