Here For You

7

TW's:
-Mentions mental abuse
-Panic attack
-Bullying

Clay's POV

I was startled by myself, I started to act more and more like my father. I always told myself I wouldn't go as far as him, but I was going further every time. I was the exact same, I wasn't any different from him. I thought back about him again and all the things he said to me kept repeating in my head.

TW mentions mental abuse/panic attack

Go cry somewhere else, pussy.

You're such an asshole, you can't do anything right.

Why are you standing there, prick?

Why are you so ugly, can't you just die?

JUST KILL YOURSELF

I WOULD LAUGH IF YOU WOULD DIE

I started breathing faster and sat down outside as I curled up like a ball. My heartbeat went faster and faster and I let out a scream as I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I hated him, I HATED HIM. I started hyperventilating and the hate in me grew more every second.

'I hate you,' I whispered. 'I hate you, I hate you so much. I HATE YOU.'

I started crying and hid my face in my arms as my breathing rhythm kept going faster. I figured I was having a panic attack at this point and I screamed again, breaking down completely.

'I hate you, I hate you, I HATE YOU,' I kept screaming and then I felt a hand on my shoulder. I didn't look up, but the person sat down next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

'Calm down.' It was George.

TW bullying

I pushed him away. 'LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE.'

'I'm not going away. You're having a panic attack.'

'I HATE YOU TOO, LEAVE ME ALONE. I WILL HIT YOU.'

'Shh, come here,' George whispered and held me tight in his arms, letting my head rest against his chest.

'I hate you, leave me alone. You're just as stupid, I hate you.'

George didn't answer and held me tightly, running his hand through my hair. I focused on his heartbeat and started calming down a little bit. I laid down in his arms for five more minutes and released myself out of his grasp. He smiled at me, but I rolled my eyes.

TW mental abuse/panic attack over

'Don't think I'm going to be nice to you now, I still hate you just as much.'

George nodded. 'I didn't expect you to be nice to me anyway. I'm glad you've calmed down.'

'You're so dumb.'

'Sorry.'

TW over

I turned around and ran away to the deck, looking for Sapnap. He was sitting on a chair with his water bottle and a bag of sweets. I sat down next to him and grabbed my phone to avoid him looking at me. He looked at me anyway and scooted closer.

'Did you cry?'

'None of your business.'

'Why did you cry?'

'I didn't, just shut up.'

Sapnap left it like that and I grabbed my phone. All the sad emotions I had experienced in the past came back up. The insults, but mostly the slurs that passed. After what happened, I had told myself I was going to keep some things a secret for the rest of my life.

But the last few weeks the need to talk about it got worse and worse, I felt alone, scared and sad. I had thought about telling Gogy, but I didn't know how. I knew he would hate me if he knew I bullied the shit out of someone to get rid of the hate inside of me.

I didn't want to be the same as my dad, but I was. My dad went even further than me, I didn't want to follow him, but I was scared of myself. I was probably even worse than my dad, my dad needed alcohol to be like this and I- I just swore the shit out of an innocent, sweet boy while being completely sober.

I knew there was no way of making anything I did right. I was in the wrong and I knew I was, but the hate inside me went so deep that I need to get it out in some way to not do something bad to myself.

I sighed and the rest of the boat trip, I just sat back with my eyes closed. I didn't fall asleep, but I was just trying to relax a little bit. I stepped into the bus we hired after, sitting down next to George and he had his eyes closed as he tried to sleep.

I ignored him for the whole drive to the place we had to be and when we arrived there, the teacher told everyone which room was for who. Since I was really tired, I went to my room immediately. I heard George come in too, I gave him a mean look and climbed on the top bed since it was a bunk bed.

George didn't argue and laid down on the bottom one in silence. I felt the need to say something mean to him, although I managed to keep quiet as I looked at my phone. I went to Gogy's and my chat with a smile.

Dream
I've arrived :)

Gogy
Me too <3

Dream
Can I ask you something?

Gogy
Of course

Dream
I want to tell you something this week sometime, I really don't know how tho

Gogy
Does it help that I actually won't leave you? Whatever you've done? I know you might have done something really bad, but we can fix it together. You're sorry and you can stay mad at yourself, but there's no need to if you genuinely regret what you did

Dream
Thank you <3 is there anything that you would leave me for?

Gogy
If you're an old man around the age of forty, just trying to get things of me.

Dream
I'm not <3

Gogy
Then I can't think of anything that would have made me mad

I smiled as I put my phone away and I laid down on my side, throwing my shoes on the ground. It wasn't even evening yet and I already did fell asleep.

1016 words

Summary:
Clay has a panic attack when he thinks back of a trauma with his dad he experienced in the past and George calms him down