Unadulterated Love

Part 38

SHEHNAAZ'S POV

Why do I do things that backfire me? After sending those pictures to Sidharth, I immediately tried to unsend them. But it was too late, he had seen them already. I could have explained him later too, performing this stunt wasn't necessary I realize because this made him so mad that his phone is switched off since then.

Ultimately, all of my mind was occupied to process what he must be doing right now? Inspite of being a better dancer than the rest of friends, I forgot some steps on the stage. Did I hurt him bad? I didn't wanted to provoke his silly thoughts. It's this occasional distancing and a little  lack of communication too, that is keeping us away. Otherwise I would have been in his room, coaxing him right now! Oh, how much I'm missing him! Texting him, that I'll call back later kills me within.

"Haaye.. Kinni soni mendi ae.. " a aunty passing by caresses the semi dried henna, I've got in my hands. I smile, yes it is. I chuckle seeing the small 'SS' I asked the designer to make in the corner of my right hand. After, I heard ladies saying it's kinda ritual to writer your beloved's name. I have never been very excited about this marriage and stuff. I had made myself busy with studies, focussing for a independent future. But with time, my thinking has changed slightly. With a partner like Sidharth, I can be carefree, or say completely open. I wonder what kinda husband he would make. Hehe. We haven't discussed anything as such.

Wrapping a scarf around, peeked out of my house, not caring it's 5 in the morning. All I care is I want to see him. It's been a fucking week, I saw him and 12 hours I last heard from him. Booking a uber cab, I reached his place. The guard let me in, giving me looks for why I appeared at this time.

"What the fuck are you doing here? Akeli aayi iss time? Akal nahi hai tumhare anadar na!" he shouts. The guard must gave told him.

"Dheere bol aunty uth jayenge.. Mai bas baat karne aayi tere se.." I tell him.

"Uth jaane do.. Vo bhi dekhengi tum kitni badi Gadhi ho! Thoda wait nahi kar sakti thi?" he grits his teeth.

"Nahi.. Meko baat karni thi.. Dekhna tha tujhe.. Mai zyaada nahi socha.. Aagayi bas!" I announce.

"Sunle na!" I hold his hand.

"Bhonko!" he says.

"Mai hurt ho gayi thi jab tune phone kaat diya.. Isi liye bhej di photos aur karke.. Sorry!" I apologize.

"It's okay" he relieved his hand from my grip, moving back to bed.

"Bas? It's okay?" I ask.

"Ha toh.. What do you want me say then?" he asks. He's so badly hurt. Shit.

"Sorry na Bebu..  Aman is like a brother to me.. So I was pissed at you at that time.. I would  never do anything to hurt you intentionally.. You know that right?" I held his hands in mine. He removed them immediately.

"No.. you won't hurt me..Tumko jiske sath dance karna hai- karo.. Jiske sath photo leni hai-lo.. Mujhe farak nahi padta.. Vo bhai jaisa hai ya dost..! It's just expectations Shehnaaz.. They hurt like a bitch.." he said.

"Tu kya bolna chahta hai Sidharth.. Mere samajh nahi aa raha baby.." I again tried closing the gap between us, but he backed a step.

"Nothing.. Tum jao... I'm fine... Mom hai.. Kuch hoga toh bol dunga unko.." he sat on his side of the bed. I kneel down to him.

"Nahi meko bol... Mai hurt thi.. Isiliye tujhe bhi hurt kiya maine.. I'm sorry Sidharth.. Sachi.. Kasam lage tere se baat kiye bina pagal ho rahi thi mai vaha.." I said. As if he was listening, he looked pretty lost.

"Jaa yaar Shehnaaz.. I need to sleep.. " he says. Seriously?

"Ha soja.. Mai jaa rahi.. Kyuki mujhe toh neend ayegi nahi.. Tere bina so nahi payi dhang se.." I turned back to leave.