The Kyoshi Hero

i should be fine but it's all too much

cw: severe and graphic panic attack. If you don't want to read that, skip to the next story break (~).

No matter how desperately he craved it, exhausted from the day's events, sleep evaded him, dancing tantalisingly just out of reach. His brain refused to stop trying to process whatever had happened today, refusing to grant him sweet respite. Intrusive thought after intrusive thought, flashback after flashback, endlessly, only serving to tire him out more. But still, sleep did not come.

Every time he closed his eyes in search of sleep he was forced to relive the days' events on loop like his own personal hell, brain stuttering over the moment he jumped from the school building, desperately hoping against reason that it would somehow change last minute, that he would step back, snap out of it and go home, that it was all just some sick nightmare. Each time, however, he stepped off the ledge.

Izuku's thoughts jumped back to his mother, his thoughts chopping and changing so much it was beginning to leave him winded. His mum was back home. Everyone he knew was back home. Could he get back home?

"Holy shit!" he whisper-yelled, bolting upright. "I actually did it, I jumped off the roof, I can't believe I actually tried to... I almost... I should be dead... I tried to- I actually- I ac- I actually..."

'I tried to kill myself'

His chest squeezed painfully and he suddenly became hyper-aware of every minuscule change in his body. The only thing louder than the blood rushing in his ears were the thoughts racing around his head. His heart pounded worryingly hard against his chest as the panic rose higher, higher, higher still.
He radiated an uncomfortable heat that brought with it a thin sheen of sweat, his mouth dry, his head spun, vision blurred. He felt alive in the worst way imaginable. His breath sharpened and quickened. Fragmented mind unable to focus on anything beyond the chaos within his own body. Dizziness overwhelmed Izuku's senses and he lost control of his balance, tumbling out of the raised futon.

A figure slammed open the door, in a battle-ready stance before it crouched down and clutched firmly on either side of his shoulders, pulling him up to a sitting position.

More thoughts were crashing through his mind threatening to drown him completely, to suffocate him just like the sludge villain had done. His thoughts were loud, too loud. So. Very. Loud. Screaming at him from every direction trying to compete for his fractured attention.

'I tried to kill myself.'

'I'm never going to see my Mum again.'

'How could I even for a second think to do that to myself, to do that to her, to leave her alone?'

'She's going to hate me.'

'I'm so selfish.'

'I tried to kill myself.'

'I'm never going to see my home again.'

'What else am I even capable of?'

'I tried to kill myself.'

Izuku didn't know if he was going to puke or pass out. His answer soon arrived.

Bile abruptly rose in his throat and he threw up stomach acid, it burned in his throat before pouring into a bucket that had suddenly appeared in front of him. His stomach clenched, spasming painfully as he dry wretched several times teary-eyed and begging for this to end. He eventually calmed down enough to suck in a few hungry breaths. The bucket was abruptly pulled away when he finished and his eyes focused on the cup of water in its place, he managed to take a few sips as it was held up to his mouth.