Fifty Ways to Love You - Emily Prentiss x OC

26. sunshine

(trigger warnings: mentions of rape, abortion, drug addiction, alcohol intoxication)
(it's rough and i'm ready for u to be like "perfect!" sarcastically in the comments bc i fully deserve it)

We fell asleep as close as we'd ever been, and Emily shook me awake at two. "What, what? I'm up,"

"You were yelling, about Dmitri. All in Russian, baby, I couldn't understand, you were speaking so fast,"

"I'm sorry. You can go back to bed, Emily, I'm sorry,"

"Are you sure?"

"I—yeah," I sighed. "Just about Dima,"

"Yeah, I could tell," she smiled. "Do you need to talk?"

"I don't wanna keep you up..." Emily shook her head and pushed hair behind my ear.

"No, no, no, baby, if you want to talk we will. Your nightmares are bad, baby, huh?"

"It, uh—it was—it was about—when he, he asked, he asked my parents for help, with his addiction, and they started yelling at me for some reason, I don't know..." I cried. "Yelling at me for...for something I did...years ago! It hadn't even happened yet when he asked,"

"Shh, Galina, you're okay,"

"I know, I'm just pissed!" I wept. I sobbed into my hand and Emily pulled me to her chest. She helped me sit up, holding me all the while.

"Do you want to tell me? You don't have to, I know you'll tell me when you feel ready, baby, but I just want to help you however I can."

I sniffled and wiped my tears away. "You're sweet, Emmy, thank you. Um, I...I don't..."

"That's fine. You don't have to tell me tonight, tomorrow, next week...I'll be here when you want to. Whenever that is, my love,"

"God, I love you so much," I cried. I dried my eyes once again. She rocked side-to-side to comfort me.

"I love you," she mumbled.

"I was gonna say that I don't want you to be uncomfortable. It's...it's really hard for me to talk about, Em. I don't think about it, I can't..."

"I see that, my love. I'm with you. I'm here. Everything's gonna be okay, sunshine,"

"I like when you call me 'sunshine'," I whispered.

"You do?" I nodded. "Then I should call you it all the time." That put a smile on my sad face.

"I, uh...I, I know you won't, I, you won't—you're not gonna hurt me,"

"Hey, never,"

"I know. I just don't want things to change because of this." She nodded and kissed my forehead. "It never did before, but..." At the time, Emily didn't know what I was referring to, but after she found out it made more sense.

"You don't have to just dive right in. Do you want me to ask a few questions about it, would that help? You get upset when you talk a lot about things like this, I just thought maybe you'd like the opportunity—"

"Oh, I'd love the opportunity to just shut the fuck up," I laughed. "What I wouldn't give to shut my mouth for a minute..."

"Okay, baby," she chuckled. "Was it...something you did?"

"Mm-hmm,"

"Okay, something you did to someone?" I hesitated.

"Complicated...no,"

Emily was confused but persisted. "Okay, you're doing great, Galya. Was it before or after we met?"

"After,"

"Am I involved in this?"

"No, not at all,"

"All right." She was relieved. She hadn't hurt me. "Good. Was it while you worked at the FBI or at Interpol?"

"Interpol," I mumbled.

"Hmm?"

"Interpol." She nodded.

"Does it have to do with the Russia mission?"

"Mm-hmm..." I kept myself from breaking down again.

"With your capture?"

"Yes,"

"When they...?"

"Yeah." Silent tears fell. "Mm-hmm, keep going,"

"I—I don't know, love. If you're comfortable telling me, I want to help you,"

"It wasn't...what I did, that's not my problem with it, it's how my parents reacted when they found out. Dima...Dima was staying with me, and they came for Christmas and I was terrified to kick them out. I was drunk — it's the last time I drank, there was always family addiction fear, but I was so hurt from Russia — and I spilled to my family about...what happened. Not in Russia, but they kept asking about..."

I buried myself in Emily. She rubbed her hand over my back and looked out the window at the stars.

"I was pregnant, Em!" I cried. "I was terrified, and every time I thought about it I would have flashbacks, and...I couldn't. It was hurting me too much. I..." I dug my head into her chest and cried. She rubbed my back.

"You had an abortion," she said. I nodded. "Sweetheart, I understand. Trust me. You know about Italy,"

"Mm-hmm,"

"I know how alone you felt. I remember. It's difficult, I know that. You're not alone anymore, though, sunshine. You have me. Your parents, they reacted badly, I assume?"

"Yeah," I almost laughed, as it was a given. "Not great! They kept asking Dima and I about grandkids, and I just yelled at them. I should never have done that,"

"Shh, Lina, baby, don't blame yourself for this. Your parents are complete assholes, I've gathered that from everything you've told me about them," she laughed. I joined her. "You're a better person than them. You're the best girlfriend, an incredible person, and I'm head-over-heels in love with you. I know it doesn't make it better, but I hope I can alleviate some of your pain, at least." She kept kissing the top of my head and rubbing my back.

"You so do," I chuckled. "You're the best medicine, Emily. I love my girlfriend. Everyone else can eat shit." I made her laugh, which made me proud.

She ran her hands over me mindlessly as we fell back asleep, making sure she fell asleep after me so I would always have her comfort. Emily was too thoughtful.