Flawed Minds

Chapter Thirty Two

Nova's P.O.V.

Tony Stark recovered from his near death experience surprisingly quickly; he was soon up and walking around the med bay, embracing me tightly and thanking me over and over, even when I insisted he didn't need to.

"I've already been told about what you did," He murmured as he held on to me. "At least as well as they could describe it to me. I didn't know you could do something like that, I never even imagined. All I can keep saying is thank you, I'd be dead if it wasn't for-"

"You know I'd do it again if I had to," I interrupted him with a smile. "And you don't need to keep thanking me. The world would be a lot more boring without you in it, Stark."

"N'awww, you flatter me Sparks," He chuckled with a wink. "I'm keeping it on record that you said that by the way, did you get that FRIDAY?"

"Yes, Mr. Stark, I've saved it to your 'Genuine Compliments' folder." I laughed loudly at that, finding myself not entirely surprised that such a folder actually existed.

"I've gotta admit, I've been in a few rough patches before, but I have never in my life experienced something like that," Tony mused as the door opened and a couple of medics entered with clipboards ready to check him over. "It was so strange, I can't even describe how it felt. And I didn't even need stitches!"

"To be honest it was quite the experience for myself too," I admitted. "I thought I felt myself being stabbed while I was fixing you, it definitely gave me a shocking headache- and it was really surreal to pull your tissue back together and fix it like that..." I trailed off with a laugh when Tony shuddered at the thought.

"Seriously though," He continued as he was instructed to lay back down for some more scans and tests. "I owe you. Big time. I'm not sure how I'm gonna repay you but I will. We can definitely revisit that jewelry place I took you to before, you could pick anything, and that weird coffee thing you liked? Lifetime supply." I chuckled as I began backing toward the door, giving the medics space to work.

"Tony, you're a sweetheart, but you don't have to get me any gifts for this, you've already saved my life more than once, like when you took me in from the snow outside that Hydra base, and when you risked everything to bring Loki here to save me- This was me sort of repaying you, in a way." He gave me a small smile and a nod before allowing the medics to do their jobs, and I slipped out of the room to give him some privacy. After that he was deemed fit enough to leave the med bay and I was relieved to see that the experience didn't seem to affect him much, happy to see him return to the same old cheeky and sarcastic Stark I'm used to seeing every day. He was even tinkering in his lab with Bruce within three days of the incident, which was amazing on its own- although it made sense since Tony Stark is stubborn as hell, after all.

After everything that had happened, I should have been feeling nothing but happiness, should have been ecstatic that it was all finally over and that we were all safe. But I wasn't. Not exactly. Instead, I had a horrible feeling that followed me no matter what I was doing, and of all other things, I felt guilt, too.

I knew he was dead- I was the one to finally kill him after all- but I couldn't seem to rid myself of Dr. Ekelhaft. He haunted me in my sleep, and in those moments of silence during the day he would creep up on me once again, that last defiant sneer as he locked eyes with me while he died was an image that seemed to be burned onto my brain. I knew I shouldn't let it bother me, I had given him a chance and he blew it by trying to kill my friend. I thought back to the memories of being locked in that tiny cell with only a hospital gown for warmth, just waiting for the time to come where I would be forcibly taken from my cell and strapped to a chair or table so they could experiment on me. What they did was horrific, and all I could do to help myself was shrink back into my own mind and forget everything... But now, thanks to Loki, I knew what I was and how I survived long enough to escape... Now I had a home and a family, people I love, and there was nothing more to worry about apart from my next training session or when my next mission might be. Now, everything seemed to be okay, finally- but deep down I couldn't help feeling off, as though there was something not quite right.

"I know you well enough to know when something's bothering you," Bucky murmured, out of earshot of everyone else as we all sat one afternoon, chattering amongst ourselves. I watched as Nat and Bruce's expressions changed in amusement at the very animated tale Clint was telling, almost falling off the edge of his seat, whilst Steve and Tony were discussing something about the technology in the tower; in truth I wasn't listening too much, I just felt comfort in watching them laugh and interact. "I'm not gonna stop asking, so you can ignore me all you want." Bucky persisted and I sighed, finally turning to him.

"I'm sorry, Bucky, I'm not ignoring you," I responded, before chuckling at the disbelief visible on his face. "I'm not, I promise, I'm just... Tired, I suppose. And honestly, I know it probably sounds really stupid but I can't stop thinking about him- I know he's dead and he can't hurt us now and everything, but it's not something I can get past easily and... I just don't feel right."

"Everyone deals with things differently, doll," Bucky soothed, squeezing my hand gently. "It doesn't sound stupid at all, but I can't help you unless you tell me when you're feeling like this, it means I can't even try to help you feel better."

"I know, I'm sorry," I smiled up at him, adoring his caring side that he was often too closed off to show. "I've been feeling like this for a while now, like something's not right inside my head, but I can't put my finger on why..." I let out a sigh as I trailed off, noticing that Tony had re-entered the room after leaving for a few minutes, and I heard him say something about Wanda and Vision finally getting back in contact. I figured that I would ask him about them at some point later, but I really needed to talk about this, first.

"Hmm. Okay... Well why don't we start with your nightmares?" Bucky asked pointedly after a short silence and I froze. "Don't tell me they've gotten better cause I know that'd be a lie."

"Fine, you're right, they've gotten more frequent." I admitted, a tad more grumpily than I had intended to be, before taking a breath and thinking how to word my thoughts. "I keep dreaming that he's not actually dead, you know, and instead Tony died, or he killed Bruce or you or- It's just constant, I mean, all I see in my head is you guys being killed by him, and I have to face the thing I was scared of the most... I was alone."

"Well, that's definitely not great," Bucky agreed, watching Tony and Bruce as they began to show examples of new tech to the rest of the team. "But it's something I can at least understand. I've done a lot of horrible things in the past and every single one of them haunts me. I can't forget any of it." I attempted to interject that it wasn't him that did those things, but he held a hand up to stop me. "I don't know if it'll ever go away, but I do know that I'm trying to be better every day. But the difference with you is that you haven't done anything wrong, you killed a dangerous man who killed lots of other people, almost destroyed you, stole your abilities and used his second chance to attempt yet another murder. I know what he did to you was nasty and it's something that's never gonna leave you. But you will always have someone to talk to, whether that's me or Steve or Tony, any of us, we'll all try to help you however we can. You're never gonna be alone again, doll, I promise." After Bucky's unexpected speech I found myself speechless; emotional tears began to trickle down my cheeks as I looked around at the team's friendly faces, realizing that they were now all looking my way reassuringly as they'd heard most of what was said, and I finally realized that maybe I meant just as much to them as they do to me.

Author's Note: Darling Readers, If it wasn't evident before that I have no idea where I'm going with this story, I have a feeling that it might become so now. In all honesty I get the feeling that I should just finish it, because I don't know what else should happen! I mean if any of you have any ideas then feel free to comment or drop me a message somehow! Hahaha. In any case, I still very much appreciate every reader, every commenter, every voter. It makes my day to receive such kind comments, so thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)