This Is It.

Chapter 4

This is the week. It it Thursday and I'm leaving tomorrow. I packed all of my stuff in my suitcases. I made sure not to leave anything behind. My mom knows I'm leaving tomorrow but I have not seen her yet. I wonder how she feels.

I was just about done and I also wanted to wash my bed sheets so I can leave with them clean. When I reach for the door I  noticed that my key was missing from the keyhole. I decided to look for it. I checked everywhere but I couldn't find it, under the bed, in my jewellery box, next to where I undressed yesterday but it was no where to be found.

"Mom have you seen my key?"

........

"Mom?"

I reached for my door handle because I wanted go out to check if maybe my mom has it. The door was locked. I was kind of confused. Did I maybe lock myself in my room and misplaced the key? I re-checked the whole room again just to make sure I didn't miss any spot, but still, nothing.

"Mom!"

"What is is?"  She acknowledged me from the other room.

"I think I locked myself in the room and I can't find the key."

"Oh. You didn't. Now relax, I have the key."

"I want to wash my bedsheets mom so please unlock the door for me."

"I would rather not. You're are going to stay in there until you get your head right. More like figure out what you want. I'm doing this for your own good. If you had just listened to me none of this would be happening. Don't even try to escape because I will find you and kill you with my own hands. And please don't make any noise. Bye."

After she finished talking I saw everything around me lose color. I was not able to think. My mind was just empty. They locked me up. My own family, my mom locked me up. Is this love? I started seeing blurry as I walked to the bed. My eyes filled with water and soon enough I just let it fall. I was done for. Looking around my room as if the furniture is going to help me.

My mom sure is a very good actor. She tells me all of these things in a very casual manner. No yelling or shouting.

I was alone. I did not even think about getting help because I was still in shock. My skin was itchy. It happens a lot when I get anxious. My mind replayed the things my mom said. Don't even try to escape because I will find you and kill you with my own hands. Why did she say that? Why go to that extent? Would she really do something like that to her own daughter? Murder?

At that point my tears had dried and I saw no use in crying anymore.  I was aware that my family does not really care about me and I was just about to make peace with it but I don't want to lose them. They have been with me my entire life. Who else is going to have my back like my family? I remember when my parents were unemployed. We had no food to eat. They would always advise me to make sure I eat at school. I would brush my teeth with salt because there was no toothpaste. During winter, we would all sleep in the same bed just to get warmer because we had no electricity. We cared for each other but now, it's a different story.

I don't know how this is supposed to work. Do I call her when I need something or she will just come when she feels like it. At the moment this is working for me. I really feel the need to isolate myself.

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My mom allowed me to at least go eat lunch. She said something about not being too cruel to let her daughter starve. As if that will make any difference. I dished up a lot of food for myself. I mean what if it's my last meal and my mom is a good cook so why not.