Against Fate - A Darklina FanFic

Salvation and Damnation

His breath was ragged against the thumping pulse of my neck. He doesn't let go of me for what seems like minutes. I could feel his heart which were like drum-beats now.
"You scared me, Alina", he said finally tearing our embrace. His voice was smooth like whisky and I felt myself losing my mind in the depths of his eyes.
Aleksander is the Black Heretic.
Baghra's rough words intruded my thoughts and I pushed back from his arms that were still coiled lightly around my waist.
He furrowed his eyebrows, looking clearly unprepared for my reaction.
I chose to ignore the look on his face and strode past him towards the huge desk sitting in the middle of the room.
Resting my hands on the surface, I shut my eyes close and try to focus. I gulped down the lump forming in my throat as the conversation with Baghra earlier still echoed in my mind.
"Alina?" Aleksander's voice crept up to me. I didn't move. He was right behind me. Not a hand laid yet everything in me screamed in the anticipation of his touch. Of him.
"Where did you go off to?" He finally asked. I wonder for how long he had been debating with himself for this moment of confrontation. He obviously did not expect me to emerge from where I did. I doubt he even thought about the possibility of me knowing, or discovering the passage.
It was well-concealed.
I took a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts.
"Baghra came by", I said, not elaborating further.
With one final sqeeze of my eyes, I slowly turn to face him. His expression was blank, hard to read.
"And?" He urged.
I swallowed, trying to rest the conflict that was rising in my mind right now. The rational part in me begged of me to make an escape. To run and to never look back. To accept the fact that this was beautiful while it lasted and that it was not real. It was just a dream. A very enthralling and vivid one, in that case.
But there was also a not-so-rational part of me that asked me to stay. To trust him once more. Trust him to tell me nothing but the raw truth, even if I wasn't prepared to hear it.
Aleksander took a step back.
"Are you-" he paused, his face now showing an expression that he is doing his best to fight- hurt. His eyebrows are pinched and his eyes narrowed. His lips were forming a tight line and the muscles in his jaws flicked. "Afraid of me?" He finished. His voice was as if he had just seen a ghost. Clear shock and amusement dripped from his tongue.
I clear my throat and blurt out before thinking, "Should I be, Aleksander?" Putting an extra emphasis on his name. He scoffed, not dropping his eyes from mine for one moment.
"What did she tell you, Alina?" He asked. The words were slow and the shock was replaced by a certain amount of annoyance.
"Everything", I said and looked at him.
"Starting from your real identity to your intention behind messing with me."
He stared at me for quite a long time before closing the distance between us by inching forward.
"Are you afraid of me, Alina?" He asked again.
I hold his stare, "No," I reply, realising that it's the absolute truth, soon after.
"Do you believe her?"
"I think-" I try to answer but he interrupted me with the same enticing tone.
"Do you believe that I was just messing with you?"
Oh.
"I, um, I don't know what to think."
That's a blatant lie. I knew exactly what to think. I knew he wanted me. I knew that no one, not even him, could lie with that much of an intensity.
As if reading my thoughts, he smirked, "But you're here. I am sure you were given the option to escape, weren't you?"
I froze.
Yes, yes I was. And even if I were given that opportunity for a thousand times more, I wouldn't have taken it.
"Why did you stay?" He nudged.
My breaths were now short and forced. I was afraid that even the slightest movement could result in him walking out on me. Funny how I am the one to be scared of him leaving.
"Because I want to hear it from you, Aleksander", I replied, pronouncing his name as slowly and carefully as I could.
To that he finally eased up. His shoulders relaxed and he took a step back, giving me enough space to relax myself.
He walked up to the other side of the desk and took a sit. I followed and sat down as well.
"The Fold was a mistake, Alina. I was protecting Grisha. It's all I do. It's all I will ever do", he said. His elbows were resting on the desk and one of his hands brushed through the waves of his hair reminding me how smooth they felt against my own fingers. There was a genuine tone that his voice carried which made me want to trust him easily.
The Grisha has always been under threat and they seemed to worship Aleksander. He was their protector, it's true. But how was the Fold related to any of this?
"We were under direct threat. I needed to surrender. But surrendering meant losing everything that I had built. It meant risking the whole of Grisha", he continued. I listened attentively.
"I warned them. I did. But they would have attacked and I needed to save my people. It was meant to kill them but I wasn't aware of the intensity of my own powers. I made a mistake. One that I have regretted for a long time."
I believe him. He can't possibly create that up. I know he isn't lying. I can feel it.
"Please tell me Baghra was wrong and that you intend to destroy it now", I said, wishing with every inch of my being that Baghra was mistaken.
He did not reply. He wasn't even looking at me anymore. His gaze was fixed at the surface of the table that was between us.
My heart dropped down to my feet.
Please tell me she was wrong. Please.
"No, Alina", he finally replied, almost in a whisper. There was something about the way it felt when my name rolled off his tongue.
I knew I would never feel anything close to like this ever with anyone else.
My toes curled and my palms were fisted as I waited for him to shatter everything down.
"I don't want to destroy the Fold. I want to expand it. But-"
I pushed away my chair and bolted to my feet.
"She was right!" I raised my voice in disbelief. How stupid was I to think that he is not what she thinks of him to be! Tears welled up in my eyes and I maintained my high tone, "You are really going to destroy the human lives and this time-" I paused, glaring at him, "it would be no mistake."
His gaze faltered.
"Please don't leave me alone, Alina", his voice was soft, making my chins tremble.
"I am sure as hell not going to stand by you while you destroy hundreds of innocent lives", I reply putting on a façade of hardness to my voice.
"They're hardly innocent", he spread out his arms in frustration.
"Do you know Marie was killed in your stead?" He says, an edge to his tone.
I clenched my jaws and blinked back the tears.
What?
"And do you know who passed out the order of murdering you?" He paused.
"General Zlatan of the First Army," he answered himself.
I did not reply.
Marie is dead, I think with a heavy heart. And it's all because of me.
I let the sinking feeling set in as the realisation hit me like a train.
Saints, may she rest in peace.
"The Grisha is always under threat by them. And now you are too. More than ever. And-" He walked over to me and rested his palm on my cheek that instantly heated up. "No one threatens you and lives. Ever", he said, softly but something in his voice made it crystal clear that he wasn't joking or saying this to lighten the mood.
He meant it and I felt a shiver run down my back when I caught myself wondering how far he would actually go to back his own words up.
He did create the Fold, mistakenly or not, to protect his people.
Something in me knew that he'd do much more and much worse to protect me.
In that moment, I could see my Aleksander. The Aleksander I am in love with.
"There are men and women and children, Aleksander, who have done nothing wrong and who will be facing your wrath for no reason at all", I said. I closed my eyes and leaned my head to where his palm rested. He felt like a part of  myself.
"Please help me protect them", I don't open my eyes, partly because I don't want to see his reaction to my words and partly because it felt so good.
He didn't answer but I could feel his conflicted gaze upon me.
"Please help me help them and I promise you that I will be there by you when you destroy the others", I said, shooting my eyes open in disbelief at the gravity of my own words.
"You are not thinking, Alina. I cannot possibly take you up on that. I would not burden you with something like that, ever", he said with an urgency.
It was right that I wasn't thinking. But I also knew that even if I sit down to think for hours, my intentions would not change.
"Taking lives is not a light thing. You might think that it comes easy to me, which I obviously intend to make people believe, but every time I take a life, a part of me dies.
"It's been centuries, Alina and nothing human is left in me anymore. Aleksander Morozova had died a long long time ago.
"You're beautiful, young, radiant and with so much power. You have to make sacrifices, yes, but I would not let you succumb to the darkness when I have other ways to go about it." He concludes.
That could not have been further away from the truth, I think.
I took a step closer to him.
"You say that nothing human is left in you yet you talk of saving me", I said, meaning every word of it. He didn't answer.
"The way you make me feel, Aleksander, the way you look at me, nothing is more human than that. You're not a lost cause. You're the most powerful Grisha",  I add.
Aleksander brought out a part of me that I did not know existed. With my powers growing every day, I feel more drawn to this world than ever before.
More drawn to his world.
And to him, a small voice in my head added.
"I know what I am talking about, Aleksander", I said trying to sound firm. He heaves a heavy sigh.
"When you disappeared earlier," he continued, "I thought I had lost you. None this mattered to me anymore-" I realised he was indicating to his powers.
"It's true that you guarantee me power but it's also true that that's not entirely why I am drawn to you", he finished, his voice cracking towards the end and his eyes were fighting back the tears.
My Aleksander.
"Summon the shadows", I asked.
He faltered but followed.
As soon as he did, I raised my arms lighting up the whole room with bright golden sunlight.
Moving closer to his tall stature, I gave a small smile. "We exist because of each other. There would be no shadows if it was not for the sun, and why would the sun be ever appreciated if there existed no shadows?"
His face broke into the most beautiful smile I had ever laid my eyes on.
It's all real. He's real. It's not a dream.
But he looked so beautiful in my light that it was unreal.
Aleksander held my face and brought his lips to meet mine.
In that moment, none of Baghra's accusations mattered anymore. It did not matter how he still hadn't given me an answer to my proposition. It did not matter that he was the reason behind so much destruction. Nothing else mattered but him. One of his hands grazing on my hips while the other supported my back as he leaned on me, bending my waist backwards, kissing me as if he had been starving.
The light soon faded as did the shadows when I wrapped my arms around his neck and we got too engaged in devouring each other.
It wasn't the first time and it most certaintly wouldn't be the last. But something in me told me that tomorrow things would get much more complicated. We might not have this moment to ourselves in a very long time. I could tell that he felt the same way.
Whatever happens tomorrow, I have him today.
"You can be my salvation, Alina", he said breathlessly.
I reunited my lips with his before replying, "And you my damnation".
I knew we were far from perfect together but I could not care less. If his darkness can embrace my light, my light can welcome his darkness too.
I wasn't sure of many things but I was sure of Aleksander. I was sure that he'd want me to be beside him. I was sure that I wanted the same as well. Everything about him made me want him. Even the parts that I shouldn't like, I love them.
He had done so much wrong, I hoped he was willing to do one thing right this time.
Somewhere deep down, I knew that if he drowned, I would more than willingly drown right with him.
But I didn't want to think about that tonight. I had lives to protect, yes, but this night I was just an orphan girl and Aleksander was just a dejected boy. We were lost but we found each other and I would never wish for it to have happened in any way else.