WILL YOU STAY? {c.t.h}

three: photography

june 29

i opened my eyes and i was quite taken aback when i've realized this isn't my room. still, my head hurts. i can't remember a single thing from last night.

what happened? i picked up my clothes from the floor.

i removed the shirt and shorts that i'm wearing and put on my dress, same with my heels. i went out of the room not creating any sound. there are still few people sleepy on the couch who were extremely hyper last night. i tiptoed until i end up to the door.

"hey." gavin said. he's one of ashton's friends. they all knew who i was but i don't know who they were. it's just that don't care.

"good morning." i normally responded, which is quite impossible since i look anything but normal. i'm not in the mood to talk or explain, i just want to go home but i don't like being rude. well except from calum.

"you're just out this time?" why so curious, gavin? can't i just escape without someone having to prevent me from doing so?

"yeah, i fell asleep in the... garage" no, i think i didn't but i need to lie to him and to my brother.

gavin doesn't seem to believe me but then he still nodded and smiled.

"bro!" he shouted. i turned back finding calum. great, just my luck.

"you're going home now?" gavin asked him.

"yeah," calum said looking at me like hey-something-happened-last-night. and i looked at him like no-nothing-happened-at-all.

"i gotta go, i need to come home." i interrupted. " ashton maybe worried last night," gavin said and i walked away not looking back to any of them.

--

i am at the front of my house door, practicing reasons why i didn't come home last night, then ashton opened the door. "at last, you're home!" ashton said then hugged me. i feel guilty but not telling him what had happen is the best thing to do.

we got inside and i sit on the couch. "what happened?!" he was obviously mad. oh, i am expecting that.

"i am talking with hannah and then i decided to go in the garage for silence then i fell asleep." the perfect alibi for it.

"i'm so worried," he said as he hits my forehead and then plants a kiss on it. he always does that whenever i did something he didn't like.

ashton is just as caring as what a woman wants but then i'm sure as heck he would kill me if he knew something happened to me and his fucker friend. i'm unconscious and calum did that! well it's clearly a rape. i'm a virgin but i'm not hurt and no blood stains at all?!

my head starts to hurt so much. this happens when i tried to reminisce something in the past. i still don't remember anything about me, my old life. "i'll be in my bed, my head hurts." i told ashton and he simply gestures a 'wait' sign and went straight to the drawer.

"take these. feel better, sis. i'll be right here downstairs if you need anything." he shouted as i smiled at him.

i went upstairs to my room. i closed the door and removed my shoes, dress and decided to just put on a baggy shirt. i collapsed to bed while touching my forehead.

i always have this dream every night, about me in a car, nervous and afraid of something. i feel goosebumps every time i remember it. i also have this dream about a woman with her child, they look happy together and i'm clueless what was that. i told ashton about this and he said i don't have to worry about it since it was just a dream.

i woke up because of the noise i heard downstairs. my head is still throbbing in pain. i tried to recall what happened last night but all i can remember is me sleeping on the garage. maybe i said the truth that i slept on the garage. maybe calum found me and took me to his room. maybe hannah changed my clothes because it was hot inside the room.

no matter how i tried to be positive, negative thoughts were still visible. i hate myself for this. i slept with a guy who's a good friend of my brother and already has a girlfriend. i feel so dirty. i'm a slut. whore.

tears were threatening to escape from my eyes. how could i even do this?

i tried to sleep again but i can't. it's nearly four in the afternoon after all. did i really sleep that long? i should just go for a walk outside to have some fresh air.

after a long relaxing shower i had, i decided to change to a gray sweater, tight ripped black jeans, put on my sunnies to look like less horrible. i just let my hair down. i tried my best to put on make up despite of being extremely lazy and look normal.

in the back of my head,i know that what had happened is not my intention. i'm drunk and mindless. i don't need to feel guilty about it because i'm honestly unaware of what i was doing.

"where are you going?" ashton asked from behind. oh, right.

"i'm going for a walk. i'm okay, i'll go by myself. i'll be home before 7." before i could hear what he would reply, i closed the door. i'm sure he won't allow me especially when i have a hangover because he knew how stupid and clumsy i could be, but he'll always be my protective big brother.

i decided to just walk wherever i want while looking for a place to go. in the end i ended up sitting in a park bench, casually taking pictures. this is my hobby, this is what calms me most of the time when i'm tensed. i really like doing this.

i was about to capture the other side of the park, with the leaves falling, it really made a good job to have this cool effect. i was taking this only by my phone because I forgot to bring my camera.

"you really have a passion for photography, huh."

i jumped a little after hearing a voice behind me. i suddenly turned backwards, only to be met by a face that i really want to punch since this morning. i feel my blood boiling up and all i could feel is pure annoyance. i don't know why but I clearly don't like his presence. judging, I guess the feelings are mutual.

he took my phone and sat beside me. "these are really good photos."

i sighed and remembered what happened earlier. maybe i should ask him what really happened.

"what happened last night?" i was hoping that what he was about to say is not a bad news.

"nothing new. i didn't like it and you were boring the heck out of me. it drove me crazy but you're really so desperate for it and you really wanted it so bad. being a gentleman who wouldn't say no to a pretty girl like you, i agreed." he casually said without looking at me. i gritted my teeth and clenched my fist. i was ready to kill him right now but i'm not that kind of person. i was not yet sure to what really happened.

"i didn't ask for your opinion. i asked what happened last night." i was losing control and all i could think about is breaking this cocky guy's nose.

"we did it." he smirked. i knew what he mean by that 'it', i'm not dumb. i knew i wanted to wipe that smirk off. so i did what i wanted to do.

i punched him hard in the face with all my remaining energy before i could even pass out.

*before you continue on reading this, i suggest you should reread pthe previous chapters since i made changes like names, boyfriends and such. thank you!*