Clato oneshots & drabbles

8 ~ [tw!]

[#8]

⚠️ trigger warning: self harm, suicide ⚠️

Behind the glory of his victory are demons he can't seem to escape from. The recurring nightmares have kept him awake to a point where he depend on liquor so he can sleep.

The victory tour made it worse as he needs to present himself exactly what people had seen him during the games. Vicious, prideful and had no remorse.

He made it back to his district and it didn't feel like home anymore. His ears were always filled with praises that it made him sick just hearing about it. He thinks that he doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve to be alive.

He lives at the Victor's Village alone. Having no one to talk to made him feel his sanity spiralling each day. The screams, the bloodshed, and the final gasps were all vivid to him. He doesn't think he'll ever get over it.

If only he was quick, he could've saved her. But no, instead he saw her lying on the ground. He knelt beside her and begged for her to stay. He was too late. She can't be saved anymore.

He jolted awake as if he heard the sound of the canon signifying a tribute's death. Except he's alive and everyone he saw in his nightmares are already dead.

He can't take it.

He took the dagger on his nightstand. It was one of her dagger which he treasured the most now.

He saw the scars in his arms and traced them before he made a fresh cut. He doesn't even feel the pain even when blood starts to trickle.

He made another one.

And another.

And another.

And another.

"How come I can't feel anything? Why doesn't it hurt? It's supposed to hurt!" he said frustratingly while seeing the bloody mess in his arms.

Being alive is a curse, he thought to himself.

Tears started to fall from his bloodshot eyes. His hands started to tremble. He swore that he can hear hear voice. Her cries. Her rage. He covered both his ears as he rock back and forth.

"Clove" he started sobbing uncontrollably after mentioning her name. "I'm so sorry." he mumbled over and over again.

He realized how pointless his apology was, that it can't change anything. It can't bring her back.

Hopelessness and desperation took over. He looks around one last time before thrusting the dagger on his chest.

A/n:
I haven't written something this heavy. Again, I'm sorry for ruining the mood :(