Uncomfortable Fear

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Anna

I don't want to go to the doctors. They will think I'm crazy. They can't know what I see. I don't even want to tell my own mom. What if they hurt me? What if there is something really wrong? What if I have to go to the hospital? What if I have to stay overnight alone? What if they decide to zap it out of me? Or they make Mom and Dad do something to me?

"Mom I can't go."

"Sweetie you need to go. We need to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine now I don't need to see anyone. Mom please don't make me go."

"Anna. Please come and see the doctor for me. I promise I won't let anything happen to you and I promise I won't leave you ever."

"I suppose I'll go." She doesn't understand the doctors are scary. They don't like children, especially like me. They won't understand. "I guess I should get ready because I can't go in my pjs." I headed back upstairs, getting out a white cotton dress that Mom made me one time when they were between cases. It made me feel relaxed. I sat on my bed and let a few tears leave my eyes. But I started to sob; I felt so unsafe, uncomfortable. Why do I have to go? They will torture me all because they think I'm mad. They don't understand; I'm not normal. I see things others don't. Well, maybe mum has. What if mom breaks down again, though and doesn't leave her room but this time forever. Eight days was long enough without her, and we still don't know what she saw. Dad said she screamed when Maurice grabbed hold of her. What did she see that scared her so much? She wouldn't talk to any of us for days, not even Dad. Dad was sleeping downstairs on the sofa. Mom was so scared. She couldn't dress herself either when she first came back out. What trauma made her body give up to?  

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