Warren Family

Remembering the Past

Lorraine

As I put on a black and white checked dress with a white cotton shirt underneath, I could hear something coming from the other room. I quickly put my front hair into two little braids, so it was out my face and knocked on Anna's door. She was sat on the edge of her bed with the hairbrush in hand, crying. "Oh honey, don't cry." I went over and put my arms around her swaying her slowly. "It will be okay I promise. Come on let me brush your hair and I'll put it in little braids like mine alright."

"Yes, please, Mom." I took the brush from her hand and started running it through her hair. It was so soft and light, just like her dads'. I put my fingers around to the front of her head, moving the hair from her face as I began to plat it. I got a little pin and pushed it into her hair. As I finished, I turned her little face towards me. I wipe the tears from her face and kissed her forehead.

"You will be safe with me I promise." She let out a weak smile as she leant into me. I felt a little helpless. I really wish she didn't feel so anxious about seeing a doctor. I know it's because of past experiences that she feels uncomfortable. The first time I took her around the age of six, I quickly left the room to visit the toilet. I should never have left. She was in the waiting room; I thought she would be ok with reception keeping their eye out. The doctor called her in without me. I panicked when I came out, asking where she had gone. The receptionist told me she was with the only male doctor in the surgery at the time, and I felt sick to my stomach. I walked down the hall to the room and found something I wish I could erase from both our memories. She was laid out on the bed as he placed his hand on her little leg. I froze as I opened the door; I just couldn't believe it. I ran over and picked her up from the table into my arms. I hit the doctor's face so hard he fell to the floor. I ran out of the room with my baby girl as quick as I could while she cried on my shoulder. When we got to the car, Ed was waiting for us. I felt so relieved as the doctor went around the corner. Ed would keep us both safe. When he noticed we weren't alone, he walked away. The fear and sadness hit me; I began to cry on Ed's shoulder as he put his arms around my waist. Anna lent into the middle of the two of us, covering herself so no one could see her. I kissed her head as my tears fell into her hair. Was I a good mom forever leaving my child? She has never left my sight since; I won't let her either. If I need the toilet when we are out, she comes with me even though she is a teenager. I wish I could change the past, remove the day for us both. I want Anna to feel safe in my presence. But what is she not telling me? There is something really wrong, I know she doesn't like those doctors that much, but this isn't good.

10:30, we had spent most of the morning cuddling on the sofa in the living room but setting off can't wait any longer. "Sweetie we need to go now because we won't make it on time otherwise."

"Okay I'll try not to worry so much i promise." I held her in my arms just to make sure she got one big hug before we set off. I am proud of my little girl for being so brave. As we got in the car, I could still see the anxiety on her face. I put one hand on the wheel and the other on her leg as I smiled at her briefly. As we set off, I had to move my hand as much as I wanted to comfort her the best I could.

"Are you missing being at school?"

"No."

"I thought you enjoyed school or is that just Judy?"

"No I hate school. No one likes me."

"What do you mean no one likes you? Are you being bullied?"

"Nobody wants to be friends with me, the weird kid with even stranger parents."

"Oh honey I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault no one understands."

"You aren't weird though, because you're a little angel."

"Hm." I tried my best to make her feel better, but I didn't think about it being worse. I felt awful; why are children so horrible to each other. I can't believe no one will get to know Anna because Ed and I are her parents. It's just cruel. I sometimes wish mine, and Ed's work wasn't so public; it must be just as damaging for Judy. I guess people are just not ready to accept that other entities in this world have possibly never even walked on it. My children have to pay that price for lack of understanding; I will never get my head around. As we pulled up to the doctors, I felt the tension in the air. I felt terrible for making her do this when she is so uncomfortable, but sadly me and Ed aren't doctors. We have to know what's wrong with our baby girl.