Vanilla (A Daisuga FanFic)

b.s

PLEASE REMEMBER IM NOT IM THE FANDOM ANYMORE SO IF THIS IS TOTALLY OFF IM SO SORRY :[

I may not be writing a long Daichi POV qqq I didn't plan it as much as I did Sugawara. I could probably explain the Mabel situation.

Basically this was a request I got. What happened in between the decade they were apart?

Well, here we go! My writing has matured a bit too, so this should be good!
(I'm so sorry this took so long, I wasn't really in a angst-writing kind of mood)

Warnings: Language, ED's, and Mental health

Sugawara's POV

Pain isn't something that goes away. The thing I once had can't just disappear from my memory.

I can't forget the tender kisses. I can't forget the small touches. I can't forget the mornings or late nights. I can't forget the glances he's give me in the gym. I can't forget him.

The smallest things about him are engraved in my memory.

It's like a seasickness that will never go away. An anxiety that just can't stop no matter how hard I try to calm down.

"Hey..Kou?" Mun knocks on the door, slowly poking her head in.

"You haven't ate in a week..you need to get out of bed." I shut my eyes, not having the courage to look at her pity stares as she judges everything about myself. the fact that I can't even brush my hair or shower without hair falling out. the fact I haven't gotten up in a week. just looking out the same window, the same street that I last seen him.

"I don't need to.." I whisper, my voice hoarse from the ongoing sobbing.

She sighs, "Kou, look at me." I shut my eyes tighter, refusing.

"Sugawara." I open them, the fear of my name finally coming back to me.

Her eyes widen before softening in pity, "I'm sorry.."

We sit in an uncomfortable silence, a silence that wasn't needed. A silence that was deafening.

"Please, Kou.." she lets out, a small gaze of tears going over her eyes. Her warm hand grabs my colder, much paler ones.

"Y-You need to get up.." I shake my head, shutting my eyes again, "no.."

"I need my best friend back.."

"I'm still— I'm still here.." I tell her, it came out rather reluctant. To be completely honest, I'm not even believing that lie myself.

Her grip around my hand tightened. I could practically feel the anger radiating off of her.

"Kou, I don't get it!" She says, letting go of my hand as she pushes herself off the bed. She opens up the curtains and opens the window, letting in the loud sounds from outside.

"Don't—"

"No! I don't get it! I don't get why you're being like this—"

"It's because I—"

"'because I loved him' yeah, yeah, whatever. If what happened a week ago was love, then you can kill me! Because if he loved you so much, Koushi, he would've stayed! He would've believed that no matter how far you were, he would still love you unconditionally. He would still be on a phone call with you right now, arguing about who loves each other more. You would be smiling."

"Mun—"

"because 'love' isn't something that you just pass around, Kou. Love isn't something you leave behind.." she was pacing at this point, laughing at something.

"It's bullshit." I sigh, finally sitting up, already getting a slight headache from the eye strain.

"Everything..is bullshit." I say, letting out a small chuckle.

"Yeah...bullshit."

The silence we sat in seemed comfortable. At least more comfortable than it was. She came here to at least have me get up, and she got that. It seemed less tense.

"You know—" she starts, "I miss karaoke nights." She gives me a tender smile, as if she's suggesting.

"Yeah?" She nods, "yeah. I remember when you tripped over a wire, and I laughed at you until my lungs hurt." I chuckle, "not my best moment."

"Or the one time we went to that arcade across the street from there, and I beat you in practically every single game."

"I took it easy on you." she throws a pillow teasingly at me, which I try to catch but fail to, my hands being far too shaky.

"I still beat you." I chuckle, "yeah, I guess."

We sit in another silence and then I hear her sigh, "this is what I mean when I say that I miss you.."

I get what she means. I even miss myself.

"I miss the guy that would laugh at all my stupid jokes."

"They were stupid—"

"Very stupid." I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear, "I'll get up.."

The biggest smile spreads across her face. A smile I've seen her try to achieve around me, but my moping around all week made her upset. I could tell.

"Really?" I nod, "shower?" I nod once again, "okay."

As much as I didn't want to do these simple tasks, I know that it'd make her happy. I see her smile again before she leaves the room, shutting the door behind her.

- - - a week later - - -

"Where are you going?" Munnsun asks as I try balancing on one foot to tie my shoes, "I'm going somewhere."

"Do you need me to go?" I look over at her and shake my head, giving her a small smile, "I'm going to go see Dr. Akio."

"Oh." She says it as if she didn't care, but the smile on her face when she turned away says otherwise.

"Do you need a ride?" I shake my head again, "no, I'm planning on just walking."

"Oh, okay." I smile at her, "I'll be back."

"Okay! Stay safe!" I walk out the door and take a deep breath, contemplating whether or not I should even go back to seeing Dr. Akio.

Okay, we got this. This is how you get rid of him.

I begin walking, my thoughts probably racing faster than my heart.

You'll be fine. you will be fine. He knows you. It isn't someone new to these situations. Did you call ahead? Did I call ahead? Shit, I have no clue.

Luckily, when I got there, I was assured that I did in fact call for an appointment.

now all we have to do is wait for time to go by and see if this gets any better.

- - - end of chapter - - -

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
anyway
this is a part one
but I'm working at my own pace, so it may be slow, but I have future ideas :]
I'm on a plane ooo

song: senior year - anthony amorim
words: 1107
finished: august 24, 2021 at 2:37 am (but 5:37 am if the time zones change soon)

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-olive