"So, are you saying I can't come home for break?" I ask.
"Look, I just have a really big project at the firm this week. Is there somewhere else you can go?" He asks. I can sense the exhaustion from here, can see the forehead wrinkles.
He's probably already on his fifth cup of coffee.
I sigh. "I'll figure something out."
I want some caffeine right now too. I may have a slight addiction. But that's not what we're talking about right now!
"Okay, bye. Love you." He hangs up before I can even say anything else.
And I guess the pain must be fresh on my face because Ollie, who sits on the bed across the room from me, says "everything okay?"
"Um, are you doing anything for break?"
I click off my phone and set it on the bed next to me, sighing once more.
"Why do you ask? Wanna go on a date or something?" He teases. I gasp because Ollie has branched out since we first met.
Perhaps I'm a bad influence.
Or perhaps I'm a good one because he is less like a turtle. Around me, at least.
"No! Shut up." I say, face flushing red.
This causes him to burst out laughing so I grip my pillow and throw it across the room, where it hits him square in the face.
However, he doesn't seem angry.
"Listen, I can't go home right now so I need somewhere to go." I continue.
"Oh. Shit." He sits up, suddenly serious.
My pillow lays discarded beside him, although I wish I had it next to me because I'm itching to hug it.
"Let me call my moms real quick but I'm sure they'll be fine with you coming home with me."
I feel a small surge of relief but it's still tainted with anxiety. If Ollie's parents don't want me, I'll only have one other place to go. And I don't really want to go there.
Ollie dials on his phone right away though, and then it's raised to his ear. "Hello," he says.
"I'm good! Excited to be home soon."
There's a long pause, so long it's almost excruciating. And then, "so, Basil can't go home over break and... no. Yeah. He's okay."
He meets my eyes, a small smile appearing. It disappears just as soon though as he glances down at his bed sheets again.
"Yeah, okay!" A pause. "Great. Thank you so much. I'll let him know. Love you both!"
Once he hangs up, he's practically jumping up and down.
"So?" I ask. I already know the answer.
But I don't want to be rude so I play dumb, letting him tell me the good news. It's only right since he's being so kind to me.
"Good news, you can come!"
His voice is cheery. His voice is almost always cheery. I love that about him.
We're hugging out of the blue. I don't think we've ever hugged before. But I'm not opposed to it.
••••
"I just want to thank both of you again! It's so kind of you to have me. My dad is just really slammed at work right now, so—" I freeze mid sentence. I've been rambling. They don't need to hear that shit.
"It's no problem at all! What does your dad do again?" I think it's mama.
And they've asked me to call them mom and mama after learning I was raised by a single father. Which is sweet, but my brain short circuits and makes it feel awkward.
My brain always makes everything feel awkward.
"Oh, uh, he's a lawyer." I respond.
We're sitting in their living room, red couch soft beneath my fingers.
In fact, when I look around, I see splashes of red everywhere. Picture frames, the occasional succulent pot, and even a bowl of apples on the coffee table. I wonder if they are real apples.
"That must be tough. Does he disappear like this on you a lot?" It's mom this time.
And while I want to say no, want to not expose our father-son dynamic, he does. So I find myself muttering "yeah. It's no big deal though."
"Kid, that is a big deal!" Mom exclaims.
I look over at Ollie sitting besides me and he gives me a look of pure embarrassment.
I'm not sure why though, his moms are the best. I wish I had people like them when I was growing up, queer parents and queer son.
I stifle a laugh as he rolls his eyes.
"You're welcome here anytime, okay kid?"
I nod. I smile.
Everything in this moment feels perfect. The splashes of red, Ollie's embarrassed blushing, the way his moms are clasping hands.
I feel like I've found a second family.
And in this moment, I feel okay. In fact I feel more than okay. I feel like I'm floating.
