tw: homophobia/transphobia
Four years ago
"Sometimes I hate my parents." Juliet whispers, followed by assorted giggling from the kids sitting in a circle on sleeping bags.
This is the first sleep over I've ever been to where the conversation got real.
"Me too." Agreed Justin, and Max, and Ana.
"What about you, Ollie?" Max asks, her blue hair pulled back in a ponytail. I kind of stare at her in awe because she's the only kid in our grade with dyed hair.
"Yeah. Me too." I nod. Except I don't.
And I find it odd that nobody asks Lyle about his parents, but then the bit of information floats into my mind that his parents are divorced.
Perhaps the conversation is getting more serious, but not as far as divorce.
"My dad and mom fight a lot." Max says.
The circle goes quiet before someone finally pipes up. "Mine did too. You know, before—"
Nods, muttered apologies, frowns. Fifth graders don't have much more to say. I don't have much more to say.
"Did you hear that Aiden might be gay?"
The words come from Justin, and for a minute the air goes deathly silent. You can't even hear the sound of breathing, only uncomfortable and horribly awkward blinking.
"That's disgusting." He continues.
This is where I wish I could be confident, stand up, and defend the community. I don't.
Instead, I feel the tears pool in my eyes and pretend that I don't hurt. Fifth graders can be so ignorant, but he's still my friend.
Juliet meets my eyes though, fire burning behind hers. I know what she's going to do and I'm not going to stop her. She has far more confidence than me, unbridled and ready to flow.
"Ollie is trans, dumbass." I can't believe she's cussing already. All the fifth graders are doing it though so it's not a big deal to anyone else.
"Plus he has two moms." Max adds.
I kind of can't believe she remembered that, but I smile.
"Don't be a douche, dude." Lyle contributes to the conversation, flashing me a smile.
Ana stays silent though. Why?
"What do you think, Ana?" Justin asks. I think he's hoping at least one of us will be on his side. And by the way she's acting right now, she just might be.
"It's, you know— it's not natural." She says.
She always gave me bible-obsessed Christian vibes. Which is funny because I'm literally in fifth grade and know nothing about the Bible. Yet here we are, her true colors showing.
"Fuck off." Juliet practically whispers.
The word is harsh though, and sharp, and that does nothing but amplify its volume.
After that, we fall back into a silence. This one isn't comfortable though. This one is the kind where we meet eyes only to look away, where we open our mouths but decide against the sentences we want to say.
"So, you have a—" Ana pauses.
"It's none of your business." I snap back.
Silence, two, three, four. I think all the questions about this might be over, that I might be able to let my anger sink back into the deepest pit of my soul.
