Soaring (Jim Hawkins x Reader) | DISCONTINUED

,

A part of me knows I don't really owe anyone an explanation, but I'm gonna try anyway.

Let's start over! Hi, I'm Sib. I'm turning 20, though now I'm reduced to a really tired student who'd just finished one year in college. Just yesterday I reminisced on the days when I had a lot of hope for my own future. As some of you know, I dreamed of being someone big, but reality hits when you least expect it to, and in a way that you end up realizing you need it to.
      I was the author that made a lot of empty promises. And I'm really sorry that I lead a lot of you on. Writing used to make me happy, but life caught up and I lagged a long way behind. I don't think there's a chance for me to catch up to it either; I'm really lost, and tired, but I'll hopefully find other detours in life that'll make me satisfied.

There's no happy ending to this, I think? However I would like to share some things I've learned over the time that passed (and it's LONG now that I think about it, wow).
I was a kid who sorta set a standard for myself; I had visions, I saw my future self in such a bright light and I had a lot of hope. I said stuff like "I'm gonna be a doctor", and "I'm gonna draw whatever makes me happy".
As if setting those empty visions for myself was bad enough, I also made it worse by setting a deadline for myself. And you will never guess what it is, lol--

"You better be successful when you're in your 20s!"

*Cue the awkward elevator music*

I really wish I never did that. I wish I never set a standard nor a deadline for myself. I ended up betting on all those hopes only to end up realizing they're not for me. It's a harsh lesson learned now that I've reached the tipping point. I have no idea what comes next, honestly. But I've decided to hold on, I've decided I'm gonna figure it out. But this time I'll do things in my own pace. I hope you never have to go through what I did. It's a pain and an embarrassment I can never wish on anyone.

     Life is not a race anyway-- don't let people tell you otherwise. Stick to what you guys have now and stand your ground; life will find a way to get you where you need to be, try not to overthink about what's next.

With that said, I've decided I'm not going to delete this particular fanfic, but please know that I'm not going to continue this anymore. I've already experienced the karma in the times I think of the life I once had happily here, writing fanfiction and making people happy with it as well; it haunted me, and it made me guilty. But I want to let this go, and maybe then I can forgive myself. Just maybe.

Wow. The things you spill out to strangers, yeah? But seriously, if I can't even finish one fanfic, I can at least tell you guys what's been happening. And if you do see this, whether or not you've been here a while, please know: from the bottom of my tiny heart, thank you for letting a kid dream, thank you for understanding, and I'm sorry you waited for nothing.

Cue badly written and shameless promotion:
If you do want to talk, or check out stuff I've been doing over the years, I want you guys to know that I'm an artist. Art has kept me sane for the longest time, even after I lost the spark for writing. I draw my own characters, though right now I've been doing a lot of fanart. You can find me on my art pages:
@/ sibbyart on Instagram, ArtFol, and Tumblr

Alright, so! No more empty promises. Please, bebetter than me.

I love you all. Thank you for the memories.

-🌻 Sibby