HaPpY : binsung

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I opened my eyes. My whole body can't move, and everything's aching. The car horns still ringing in my head. My head hurts, the lights of the ceiling in disarray. I gasp a mouthful of air. It aches everywhere. Tubes are attached to me making me feel more dizzy and groggy. I'm aching inside out.

Bin.

Channie hyung was there and Binnie's sister. He's not here. Why did I even expect him to be here.

I tried calling for them, but my voice won't come out. A sharp stinging pain ran on my head and I passed out.

"I'm his guardian."

I never liked people's voices sounding distraught. I don't want them worrying especially if it's me. I'm sorry for being a handful, and maybe that's the reason.

"The vehicle owner offered to pay the bills. It will take him a few weeks to recover."

Fluttering my eyes open. I can feel the dryness of my throat, hear the beeping of the machines beside me, and the burning sensation of my throbbing wounds. I look at the cast on my arms. Flowers on the vase on the bedside table.

Fuck my life. honestly.

I should've just died. I closed my eyes back again, took a whiff in the air smelling all the chemicals and the air conditioner lingering in the room reminding me why I hated hospitals.

Bin.

What the fuck.

Bin.

Chan's questions are being entertained and noona glanced back at the bed, as she pulled Chan outside.

I heard the conversation.

How long have I been asleep?

"Hello, butterfly, you're awake."

I stared at Channie-hyung teary-eyed. He patted my hair and sighed in relief.

Binnie decided on himself. So what if he's away? for years? Is it enough to end it all? I- He didn't even end us. He just left. I thought he knew better than everyone else. Reasons, yes, he has reasons.

For the love of God.

I refuse to accept it.

I refuse.

I finally got their attention as my cries broke out and the beeling of the monitor rang. My mind sank and went hazy.

Chan has been and kept me company throughout the hospital stay. Broken ribs and a fractured skull. He was about to leave for another country for his university, back in Australia. He holds off for a moment just to take care of me.

He insisted to stay for a while, even if told to go.

"Hannie-ah, eat.-

I turned my head away. I feel like I'm gonna puke if I eat.

-Bin would be mad seeing you like this."

...

bitch

"Please." He frowned trying to do a pleading expression but is more like frustrations.

....

"Stop crying." He cooed as he heard my sniffles, all too familiar and made me very uncomfortable.

"Please, leave me alone. Chris." My ex-boyfriend, patiently holding a bowl of food, coaxing me to eat.

"Alright. I'll come back later. You have to eat." He squeezed my hand and left the porridge on the nightstand as he got up.

"We'll release your mixtape and we'll disband, our ninjas are waiting. You gotta stop sulking." He brushed his hands against my locks and stood up. He knew encouragements never worked properly for me. I've been way too used to negative reinforcement that he always uses it as a last resort to push me, to get me going.

"News has already spread about your hospitalization. At least do it for them. Get well and be up soon." I knew Channie-Hyung meant well, he wouldn't be here if he wasn't.

I locked eyes with chan, sobbing. I sat up and took the porridge in my hand. He watched me struggle with my cast.

He sighed and sat back beside me, helping in getting the food into my mouth.

"There you go. Good Hannie."

I chewed and It tasted like nothing but I succeeded in swallowing it.

"Our Hannie is doing great."

Chan gently patted my cheeks with clean tissues as I chew. His lips tucking a subtle smile. Such care and gentleness as if he won't hurt a fly.

"He's not coming back is he?" I croaked.

"I'm sorry." He looked down and continued feeding me as I cried.

Time flew by, after a series of tests, pain, and recovery, I was discharged from the hospital, moved into a recovery and rehabilitation facility, just to make sure that 'i am good as new'. Chan took the liberty of taking care of me, Noona assisted with some papers but avoided me at all costs.

I went back to my dusty apartment. Talked with the landlady that I'll be moving into dorms soon in the university. It'll be easier financially. I processed my application. Met up with Channie-Hyung for final recordings. I didn't go out, for weeks and the teasers for my mixtape were dropped each passing week. We're planning to give a farewell gift to ninjas if the mixtape goes well. Which is a music video for close. There's nothing I could do with the disbandment. The best thing to do is appear before them.

"I won't be able to be there at the showcase, I was honestly not sure if you're still up for the release," Chan said without batting an eye in front of his laptop.

"I won't let the hard work and effort the three of us put in there to waste. Binnie would know more enough that'll get released." I told him to review the tracks and the cover of the physicals. I'm already signing over 20 of the CDs for the giveaway.

"He did rush me, to be honest," Chan told me. Before he left, Changbin was antsy and weirdly didn't go home for days, it's foreboding.

"Yeah, he planned it out, and he never planned on telling me," I told Chan-hyung.

"I know he has his reasons." Chan proceeded to show me the date of the digital release.

"Reasons, my ass." I rolled my eyes at him. Chan didn't say any more.

"What are your plans?"

I asked Channie-hyung. Best to leave the Changbin topic for now.

"College, duh." He rolled his eyes.

"Also, Thank you, Chan-hyung."

"No problem, butterfly." He leaned down and kissed the top of my hair.

"Eww. Don't call me that."

"Oh, c'mon. you like it, You'll always be my butterfly." He pulled me to a hug, I didn't protest any longer as he snuggled my cheeks

I just stick my tongue out, mocking him when we parted.

And he just laughed as he got up and packed his things up, ruffling and pinching my cheeks on his way as I nodded on him, focusing on the stacks of albums on the table, watching him put on his hoodie and leave.

That's the last time I saw Chan-hyung.