Twilight of Itaewon | Taekook ✔

21. Muted Desires

It was a dream. Just a dream. A dream he shouldn't see. He should've opened his eyes before seeing the eyes and the face. He should've to stop his subconscious mind and nerve system. But nothing happened. It's a dream he shouldn't have seen in the first place.

But wait a minute, does Jeongguk regret his dream? He doesn't know. He was scared, to be honest. He felt shivers running through his body. He was sad and some unknown feeling took over him when he realized who was that. It wasn't Jennie. It was someone with whom it will never happen. The dream.

It was unusual. How many nights he had stayed there. How many nights he slept there. How many nights the 221 has lulled him to sleep. But that night was different. It was oddly calming but also terrible. There's one thing eating him alive after dreaming about him.

Why is it Taehyung? Why is it have to be with Jeongguk? Why it's they?

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"Listen, I wanted to tell you something..."

"that..."

We were sitting in the library. I was whispering to him after gathering courage.

"That you like Namjoon hyung..."

I was shocked, petrified, and happy?

"Does Namjoon hyung know this?"  I asked worriedly. He smirked.

"NO"

"Does anyone know else know this?" - I asked him hesitantly. His smirk is still there. Agh. I hate it.

"I guess, no...

How did you imagine that you can hide it from me? ME?

You're not that much smart, Tae... "

You know what, I'm going to untag him as my fellow alien. Jimin, you jamless man... how did you know that?

"I... I wanted to tell you first... But I was confused about my... Feelings... I didn't know... I'm sorry..."

Come on, Tae. It's showtime.

"No, no. Don't use that puppy eyes.
Yah, stop it... It's okay..."

Oh, Jiminie... Hehe...

"How did you know that?"

Jimin smiled at me. I know it's a dumb question. It's Jimin.

"Tae, I know your mood swings, your vibes, when you're in period and when you're in heat.

Bro, I'm your soulmate. Do you think it's all a joke?"

He said. Wait a minute, I have period and heat? That's new.

Back to the point, Jimin was right. So, I just nodded.

"So, you like - Namjoon hyung...
Hmm..."

Jimin said. Yeah... We walked through the library veranda. It was silent. Time ticking and I felt weak ok my knees. I was waiting to tell him this.

"I love Joon..."

I wanted to scream that out loud. I wanted the world to hear that. But!

Jimin just laughed.
"You know, it's Joon. JOON..."

Jimin said emphasizing the name. I know what he meant. What he meant by my choice of picking Joon.

"I know, I know that he's not the best one. He's almost like a wrong choice. But you know what, nothing matters to me when it comes to him.

I hate smoking. But when he does that, I freakin want to be the smoke or the cigarette in his hands. I know it's cliche. But it turned out that I love him."

I replied. Jimin was smiling. And it was warming my heart. He understands me. My best friend understands me. Thank God, he is not any homophobic dude.

"I know what you're feeling. I will never judge you Tae.

Just remember. I'm here for you, forever. Just be yourself. Okay?"

He said. I felt tears in my eyes. His words making me emotional. A little crack was there. I can feel it. But as long as we are together, everything will be fine. I will never let you down, Jiminie...

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Jeongguk walked through the footpaths. The calming eve was enveloping him with peace. His fingers touched the silver earring pendant he was wearing. A small chant was there in his head. It tells him about the truth that he can't have something, someone to be precise. The male doesn't know why he chose the hurting feeling.

While talking to Jennie on the phone and walking without any care, he found two males sitting on the bench near the park. They looked like a couple. They were cute and all smiling. Jeongguk smiled unknowingly.

He doesn't hate gay couples. It's fine for him. Even though, he's straight, being gay was not a bad thing for him. He respects them and their love. Maybe because of Taehyung. The love Taehyung had towards Namjoon.

Jeongguk snapped his thoughts back to Jennie on the phone. Jennie was being the sweet girl she is. And Jeongguk felt a little relief that he can forget about something in his mind. Shouldn't he feel guilty? Yeah. Maybe he is. A little.

The night walk was peaceful. He lay down on the bed and comforted himself while opening the diary. He needs sleep. Maybe reading it will make him tired again and he can finally let himself sleep.

The pages turned. The bookmark leads him to where he stopped. The smudged ink smelled like tears. That's only when he knew, his sleepless days are counting from tonight. Because the one line held nothing but pain. Oh, how much Jeongguk can relate to it now.

He stared at the line. It says it all. Jeongguk doesn't need an explanation. He knows Taehyung. He knows when the boy does this. He knows when Taehyung hides himself in one line with double meanings in his diary. He knows when Taehyung runs away from the truth and mutes him in the vintage scented pages. Even though Taehyung will never have any idea about it, Jeongguk knows it all. The feeling of unrequited love.

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I can't have you. And...

It. Hurts. So. Bad.

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Let me tell you something...

Fight for your fairytale...

~AnecdotesOfABroken.