Bluebirds Without Wings | Julie and the Phantoms

It Was All For Nothing

Julie didn't move for a while even after she stopped crying. Luke was still in her arms, his hand occasionally moving to her back to scrunch the material of the sweater he gave her and letting go. She did the same, taking moments to trace her fingernail on his back as his head laid on her shoulder. She always felt so small next to him but at the moment, he felt so little.

"I'm sorry," Luke said after half an hour of silence. His voice was tired, and he was leaning a lot of his weight on her. She could feel him giving up. "I should have told you. I should have taken you far away. I should have protected you."

"You had to," Julie whispered to him, giving him a squeeze.

"I don't even like Caleb," he said. "I just served him out of fear. I should have been a little braver."

"You were already brave enough to go that far," Julie said.

"I'm sorry, Julie. I really am."

"I know," she mumbled into his neck. Luke pulled her in tighter for a moment, taking in a deep breath as he did. Julie shut her eyes tight, trying to place herself in that moment. How it was all real. How she was still real and so was Luke, the version she thought she lost. He was just more damaged than what she originally thought. How she could feel him and hear him and have her entire body feel the pull of grief for the person he could've been if he wasn't marked by a looming war he had been waiting for since childhood. How her chest ached because he still hurt her, and she didn't know if she fully forgave him yet because she felt as if she'd be betraying her country.

Luke was the first to pull away, and he looked as if he wanted to kiss her. He tilted his head for a moment before standing up. Julie didn't know what she would do if he kissed her at that moment. It'd make everything seem false again, maybe. Or it would ground her even more.

Julie stood up and looked around the room she had already memorized, "Won't they come looking for us here?"

"You'll be gone by morning," Luke said to her. She rose an eyebrow. She had no idea what his plans were. "I called Alex and told him to get the king to send for you here in Sacrament. All the military force is on the borders and even the castle is understaffed," Luke said, crossing his arms. He was quiet for a moment and then repeated, "The castle is understaffed."

"Is that good?" Julie asked. Luke smiled and nodded, starting to rush out past her. She turned to watch him leave and then run back to the door frame to see her.

"Wait here," he told her. "Don't open the door to anyone, even me." Julie nodded and saw him run out again. She waited in the room before hearing the front door shut seconds later. She walked out and peaked through the window of the living room, seeing Luke sprint out into town. What was he up to?

She sighed and sat down. She didn't have anything that belonged to her on her, and her phone was probably back at the safe house. She felt the ruby ring on her finger. She'd at least always have her.

She didn't realize how tired she was until she sat down. She didn't sleep in the cell for more than twenty minutes at a time. She was scared she was going to get stolen from where she was again. It felt so strange. Not being in control. She closed her eyes and slept.

-

She felt her body being carried and for a moment, she panicked and decided to play dead instead of freaking out. But she recognized the form of Luke's body. She opened her eyes, and he looked down at her and smiled. He set her gently on a bed.

"I didn't want to wake you up," Luke said to her. She was back in his room, and he had already put the bed sheets to the side to cover her with them. "Go back to sleep." Her eyes were heavy again, so she closed them. But she reached out to pull on his hoodie. He had changed out of his uniform into something that clearly belonged to his dad as it had I love my wife written on it.

Luke put his hand on hers to pull it off, but Julie held on tighter. She was braver half asleep, able to flush out fiery warning signs with drowsiness. Not being able to remember half of the hurt he caused her. And again, she had to remind herself, that just like her, he was another chess piece in this war. Luke wasn't bad. He never was.

She opened her eyes to look at him, and he was staring at her with helpless eyes. Too many feelings when she saw that face, so worn out and sad. Still bruised up where Bobby had beat him, his lips forming scabs. Resentment and fear and sorrow and a twist of agony. And affection. Affection she had a funeral for as she replayed the night over and over in the cell. Replayed every word he had said since they first met. What was anything for?

"Was it real?" she asked him. She still had a strong grip on the hoodie, and he had given up on pulling it off. Instead he rested his hands on the bed as he leaned over the side of her body.

"What was?" he asked. She wanted to get angry so bad, but she was too tired. Too tired for a fire she'd have to put out on her own.

"This." Luke seemed to have already known what she was talking about. His face didn't change. He was just confirming.

"Yes," he answered firmly. "I swear it was."

"And what will become of it?" Julie asked him. She closed her eyes and let go of him. He didn't move as she scratched an itch on her cheek.

"Whatever you want," Luke said.

"What do you want?" She knew she sounded angry. She didn't know if she was. Her feelings fluctuated too much around him.

"I want," Luke paused. Julie began to watch him. She sometimes missed the days where he couldn't even make eye contact with her. She loved his eyes too much.

She was quiet as she said, "Don't lie. No more lying." She was three seconds away from falling asleep. She spoke with urgency. "Please. I need to know."

"I fell for you, Julie," he said to her, not pulling his sight away. "I don't want to be apart from you." Julie hated that her face heated up, and that Luke still made her feel that way when she was so mad at the world. She hated that he was her calm when she didn't know if she despised him or not.

But she knew the truth when she put her heart over duty.

"Me, either," Julie whispered. She closed her eyes and patted the spot next to her. She was quickly drifting to sleep and it took a good moment of silence before Luke squeezed in the twin sized mattress next to her. He wrapped his arms around her, and she was home.

-

A/N: OKAY QUESTION NEWER READERS!! A few days days ago on Mondayish, I got this HUGE influx of reads and getting added to collections. Where did y'all come from I'm very curious?? Also welcome, and I am sorry!

ANYWAYSSS, another sad chapter, only a bit shorter so not much time to ruminate on the angst before we get a small moment of bliss :) I would honestly end this whole story here if I didn't have five more chapters laid out. I lowkey changed a few things already, so it's going to be very different from my original plans. Perhaps I will share those changed plot points with y'all when this is over :)

Chapter 40!! Woooo!! This is actually on it's way to being my longest fanfic ever, and I'm so :') about it. Both my longest fics were somewhere around 64k, and this one should definitely beat with the last few chapters. Thank you guys so much for reading :) I'm excited to wrap this up, but I'm already starting to miss y'all.