Bluebirds Without Wings | Julie and the Phantoms

On Grief and Rubies

Her dad had came back after two weeks in the Kingdom of Malachite with a tired face. It was over, and they were going back into recovery mode. Julie was going to therapy twice a week, and she was about to turn it to three days because there were days she could not breathe at all.

It all came down to him. To Luke who had always been there, protecting her and ensuring her safety. Luke who made her feel safe despite not doing anything to protect her when the time came. Because he couldn't. But also, there were a million what if's. But also, he was just as scared as she was. It was war, and it screwed her up. Badly.

And she was tired of missing him. She wanted it to be him waiting in the hallways when she got out every morning. Luke who walked her to breakfast and followed her to meetings with other people. And she hadn't heard from him, yet, either. Not once.

And that fucked her up.

To have gotten a confession she barely remembered because she was half asleep to not knowing how he was doing was terrible. Her dad had brought home a copy of the record of the court sessions. When he was out of his office, she read through the large paper and looked for Luke's testimony. He only ever mentioned her twice. Did she not matter?

Alex had told Julie he would let her know when he heard from him, but every other day when she texted Alex to ask him, he had nothing new to tell her.

Julie had been waiting out on her balcony for Flynn until she came through the glass doors. She gave Julie a hug before they both sat down in chairs and stared out at the kingdom. Julie had binoculars on her lap, but she wasn't enjoying birdwatching as much. The sounds of bombs must have had scared them away. Flynn said that was all they would hear for hours at a time, and they were scared they were going to hit the castle town.

"How have you been?" Flynn asked her. "I'm assuming horribly, but you know. Maybe it's changed since three hours ago."

"Still miserable," Julie said. She gave her a soft smile. Flynn had worked so hard to get Julie to get up and move again, shift back into her regular self after her mom died. And now all of that work had been undone in the span of a few weeks. Julie knew she was worried about her. She had always been worried, but this time was different. She had been kidnapped and betrayed by who she was thought was her close friend, an almost lover.

"I thought you would say that," Flynn sighed. Flynn reached into her dress pocket and handed Julie a rectangular jewelry box. Julie looked at her with a raised brow before grabbing the box.

"What is this?" Julie asked her.

"Open it." Julie did and on the inside, she found a ruby necklace that matched her ring. Julie gasped when she saw it. "I saw it, and I couldn't leave it at the store. It reminded me of you."

"Flynn," Julie smiled. "Thank you. I love it so much."

"I'm glad. If I get to see you smile, it'll be worth it." Julie put the box on her lap and put the necklace on around her neck. "Not to ruin the moment but any word from Mr. Malachite?"

"Nothing." Julie shook her head. She looked out at the blue skies, trying really hard to find a bird at all. Anything to focus on so that she wouldn't cry. "I mean. I understand why he wouldn't want to reach out. He probably still feels bad."

"Didn't you forgive him?"

"I did."

"Did you really forgive him?" Flynn asked again. Julie looked at her best friend, trying to seem upset. She was confused more than anything. She was always confused now.

"What do you mean?" Flynn sighed, smiling small.

"I think he knew you well enough to know if you accepted the apology or not. You're still hashing things out with Dr. Turner. He's out there, probably trying to figure out how to survive in a post war home. He probably doesn't want to annoy you."

"I wish he would," Julie said. But Flynn was right. There was still so much turmoil inside. Still so much fear every morning that she woke up. She knew nothing was going to hurt her anymore. But at one point, Luke wasn't supposed to hurt her either.

"What were the last things you said to each other?" Flynn asked. Julie thought about how Luke saw them get in the helicopter and right before that, he squeezed her hand and said he'd see her soon. He ran off before they lift the ground, and Julie watched him disappear further into the island. He looked so out of place somehow.

"We," Julie paused, scratching at the inside of her arm. She hadn't told Flynn. "We sort of confessed to having feelings for each other." Flynn's face was going through a series of emotions as she struggled to get words out. "And that we didn't want to be apart from each other."

"What?" Flynn asked, eyes wide open and speechless. Julie chuckled below her breath. She didn't let herself bask into the good feelings of that memory too much. It hurt now despite it being everything she wanted.

"We're apart now, though," Julie said. "And probably will for a while. That's okay, though."

"Is it, though?"

"It has to be. Not much of a choice."

"Isn't he allowed to come back now? They cleared him in court, no? Why isn't he, here, sweeping you off your feet?" Flynn said, her voice gradually getting louder. Julie smiled at her and shook her head, feeling her curls touch her collarbones. Luke always swept them back.

"He just got his parents back. If I got my mom back, I wouldn't let her out of sight. Not once," Julie said. Flynn said and sat back.

"Yeah. I get it. I just wish it was different for you guys. He should at least call."

"I know. I wish he would," Julie sighed.

Flynn left after two hours of chatting, Julie retelling everything that happened in the escape house. They had sent for their things a few days ago, and Julie had handed Luke's things over to Reggie. But before she did, she took out one of his sweaters from the back. It was tucked in a corner of her closet, and she hadn't touched it since. It was something she had done with her mom's clothes.

It was weird. To grieve over someone who was very much alive. He was only a kingdom away, and he was so far now. She still felt him behind her sometimes, wondering if they were looking at the same skies.

Julie walked to the edge of the balcony and looked over, watching the sun set in the distance sit. The oranging yellows reminded her of Luke's smile when he was really into a book, into playing a song on the guitar. It made her heart flutter and then burn down to ashes as she remembered the reality of their situation.

Julie heard a bird call and looked to her side on the balcony. There was a single bluebird perched near her. It tilted its head curiously towards Julie and let out a lively chirp again.

Julie grinned with her teeth, whispering, "Hi, mom."