Ursa Major | Park Jin-Seong

8 • Alone Again

"Loneliness was never an issue for me. People turned heads as I walked through the hallway. 'Oh, here comes Ms. Perfect again.' It was irritating, the amount of attention I got. Sometimes I wished I was just average, but I don't know what life would be like if I was truly just average. Things wouldn't be that easy, that's for sure."
-초성민 (Cho Seong-Min)

"The first time I met Jeong Nari, she seemed fine. I think she might have been abused in her childhood, though. She never talked about it. Who knows? Maybe she just needs attention. Anyhow, strangling my girlfriend is not the way to go, that's for sure."
-박진성 (Park Jin-Seong)

"Shouldn't love you but I couldn't help it, had a feeling that you never felt it. I always knew that you were too damn selfish, don't know why I looked the other way."
-Madison Beer, "Selfish"

Monday, May 16th, 2022. Jeong Nari's apartment was silent that night. It was almost uncanny, the absence of Areum's favourite nighttime activity: crying. Nari rested her head on top of an empty piece of paper on her bed. She'd occasionally get up to see how many new crinkles and rips were created, but she mostly just lay there thinking.

It was now clear that everything had been for nothing. All those pointless years, wasted in vain. All this time, she was being played by that one bitch. That clever and cold fox. Nari could never bring herself to accept such a shameful defeat. As she got up and stared at the paper again, she started formulating a plan. Nari picked up a pen, and began to work on it.

This plan has to be the last one Nari will ever make. If she was being played like a clown this whole time, then she'd put on a show. That'll get everyone's eyes on her. It was brilliant. If she couldn't get his two eyes on her after so many years of trying, then she'll make sure that she's the last thing he ever sees. It was almost poetic.

Minutes passed, then hours. The paper slowly began to fill up with everything that Nari wanted. If the only way to get anyone's attention was to be a psychopath, then so be it. By the time Nari was asleep, she was already in a different place. The past.

Nari was 6 years old again. She watched from the window as her parents walked out into the sunset with Areum, jumping happily hand in hand. "Nari eonnie?" Nari jumped. "Oh, hi Ji-Hun." Her brother joined her by the window. "Are you okay?"

Nari's eyes started to fill with tears. "Yeah I'm..." Her voice began to crack. "I'm fine. I just..." She sighed. "Why do they ignore me? Eomma and appa, I mean." A stupid question that she knew the 2 year-old couldn't answer.

"Um, I don't know, eonnie."

5 Years Ago

"The doctors said Nari isn't going to make it."

"You know, I'm pregnant with another girl. I don't want two girls. It would be okay if it was a boy, but I don't know if we can even support so many children.

"What if Nari lives?"

"I don't know, I thought cutting her oxygen tube would be enough, since we're lucky she was born sickly. But she's still barely hanging on. If she lives, we'll have to give up years of retirement to have enough money just to keep her alive."

"If she lives, we can't ever tell her we did that to her."

"I know. But she can't live."

"We can only pray that it goes the way we planned."

Nari really begins to cry. "It's because of the medicine, isn't it? It's too expensive. And all the doctors visits..." Ji-Hun put his arms around his sister and comforted her. Nari didn't think he understood anything that she just said, but she appreciated his hug.

Nari regained consciousness in her lonely apartment. Now even Areum won't stay with her. Her parents eventually told her the real story, of how they tried to kill her. Of why they never wanted her around, but didn't know what to do with her. Of why she would always be given the most chores, and be excluded from family activities. Of why she was always alone, and never cared about.

When she'd met Jin-Seong, she thought that maybe she could have a significant other to at least worry about her a little. But of course, that was never a reality either. The only comfort she had, growing up, was her brother, and he started ignoring her too. And Areum was just the spoiled little sister that never cared about Nari. Nobody ever gave her any notice. If trying to strangle her coworker wasn't even enough to get HR to step in, then what would ever be enough?

She had to do something so bizarre and insane that even her own neglectful parents would be saying her name. Jeong Nari must be the most talked about name in Korea. Even if just for a day. It would be enough to make up for a lifetime of loneliness.