"I see through those silent lies of yours, Liv."
𝐎𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐚 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫, the girl who's known to be mute in school. No one knows why though, and she doesn't want anyone to know either. Only her best friend and this certain boy want to know why. S...
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I wake up with a piercing headache, fun. I look at the clock and it reads 4:38am, earlier than usual but it's fine. Something seems to trigger inside me, because as soon as I sit up my breathing goes staggered and thoughts rush through my head. Todays going to be hell, I can tell already, first a headache and now a panic attack.
I make my way to the bathroom, sliding down the wall as I try to steady my breathing but it doesn't work. As tears fall I rummage through the little bin full of all the toiletries I have, attempting to find my blade.
Don't do it. Two weeks down the drain.
As soon as I have the blade in my hand, it's dragging across my wrists leaving new cuts that will soon turn into scars like the others. When I stop, the tears and panic attack calm down, like this was the solution to it all.
You're pathetic.
Shut up.
The panic attack sent hot flashes through me, making me sweat, so I need a shower now. I clean up my arm the best I can, before grabbing some clothes for the day and take a quick shower. My arm burns during, but I ignore it like I always do.
When I'm out I look in the mirror and see the new bruise from yesterday on my stomach, a dark purple. As I put on my hoodie, Hadley's hoodie that I always wear, I'm careful so I don't feel anymore pain that I already do. I still have a headache, but I ignore it the best I can. I need to find a way to find some more pain medicine, I've taken all I had.
It's hard to get stuff when I don't have money. I need a job but it's hard to get one when you're never allowed to leave except for school. And I feel horrible when I have to steal.
Usually right now I'll put on some makeup, usually to cover bruises dad left on my face or neck, but thankfully there isn't any there right now, all the ones that were there are healed now. Even though he doesn't like to hurt me where people would see, he still has several times. I would use makeup to cover my arms but it's October and chilly enough to wear a jacket or hoodie without being questioned.
It's nearly 5:30 now, early enough that I can grab food without dad catching me because he shouldn't be awake for work for another hour or so. I grab my backpack for school, slip on some shoes, and grab my phone off the charger.
I go downstairs to the kitchen, open the fridge and grab a water bottle as I always do. I try to grab things dad won't notice missing-it's as if he takes inventory of shit to know if I take anything just to torture me more. I grab an apple, a granola bar, and a banana to eat before school and a random small bag of chips from the variety bag to eat at lunch. This should be enough food for the day. From how little I eat I don't need to eat much before getting full.
I decided to go ahead and start walking to school even though it's early. The sun is just now rising, turning the sky shades of pink and orange. I stop at the park near school just before 6:30, I still have nearly an hour before school starts, so I sit at a picnic table.
