48 | therapy

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"Are you ready?" Mom asks softly from beside me as I suddenly think that therapy isn't for me

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"Are you ready?" Mom asks softly from beside me as I suddenly think that therapy isn't for me. I mean, I never thought it really was, but I wanna try it.

I don't know why I'm so nervous when all it is is therapy. Maybe it's the fact that I'll be talking about my feelings, to some random woman I've never met until today. But it's only half an hour, once a week, this being my first session. But moms already said if I don't like it today, I don't have to go back. Hopefully I do like it or it'll be a waste of time.

"Yeah..." I actually don't know but I don't tell mom that, even though I'm sure she gets the hint as I pick at my nails.

But then I see the ring and fidget with it instead, swiveling it around my finger, smiling at the memory of how I got it and who I got it from.

Me and Adrian said I love you to each other.

I've been so fucking happy since Christmas Eve, I'm not sure the smiles have left my face since then, apart from today when I went back to school. School will ruin anything. And now therapy.

My relationship with Adrian is the best fucking thing ever. I've always thought people saying they felt sparks with the one they liked-loved, in my case-was cliché as fuck, but me and Adrian definitely have those stupid sparks. I couldn't be happier with Adrian.

New Years was amazing, too. We just stayed in with all our friends at Ashton's house, but we made it funner than anything else would be. We ate junk food, watched movies, played bored games and argued over them, then watched the ball drop, and watched more movies. But the moment the ball dropped was the best.


New Years

"Five minutes!" Danny reminds us as if the Tv screen isn't right in front of all of our faces, showing how much time until the new year begins.

I never cared about the new years. It used to only mean I made it through another year of dad's abuse, survived it somehow, but now I can say I've survived it all and won't ever go through it again. I can have my first year without any of his abuse at all. So, I'm actually excited, especially being with all my friends.

I do worry about when dad gets out of prison. 8 years... I'll only be 25 by then, 26 maybe. I know it was said that when he gets out, he's not allowed to even be near me-pretty much a restraining order-but still. It's scary. His apology seemed genuine but again, it could've been one hell of an act. I know by then, though, I'll be further in with my healing.

If he even comes near me, I'll handle it. With violence, if needed, because I won't allow him to hurt me in any way ever again. He could say whatever words he wants, but I know better. I don't care if it's my dad saying those words, I won't let it hurt anymore, because he's a low life speaking such words to his daughter. He has no room to talk. If he raises a hand to me also-violence. I want to take some self defense classes or something someday, because dad isn't the only fucked up person out there unfortunately and because I'm worried for the days he gets out of prison.

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