"I see through those silent lies of yours, Liv."
𝐎𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐚 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫, the girl who's known to be mute in school. No one knows why though, and she doesn't want anyone to know either. Only her best friend and this certain boy want to know why. S...
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I sit at my desk in my room, writing so much in my journal-the one that Admira had gotten me-that my hand hurts. I write down every single thought; good, bad, random, whatever. It's definitely what has helped me most, writing everything down in a journal.
I keep thinking about therapy, whether it could be good for me or not. Mom's mentioned it to me a couple times, giving me many options of things to do. I'm just not sure about it.
Me and mom have talked more and more about everything-how she left, dad, all of that, I mean. I'm not sure I can just forgive mom considering she left us, but she is proving that she's still a great mom. Even with the facts that she had another family for five years and never mentioned me or Hadley or dad.
Or maybe I can forgive, just not forget, as the saying goes.
Mom's the only family I actually have-now apart from the amazing friend group I have, including my boyfriend, Admira, then Divine's family, then Mason and Noah's family. I do have so many people in my life now actually, it's crazy. I couldn't be anymore thankful than I am now.
To think just some months ago all I had was Divine, but I had to push her away at times with how scared I was.
Dad is going to prison and I feel at peace for once in my fucking life. At least I hope he's going to prison, my worries ruining this peace I have. There's too much evidence to keep him out of prison, and everyone keeps telling me he is going to go, but I'm just scared.
The trial is supposed to be this week, on Thursday I'll be missing school for it. I've been trying to prepare myself for it, knowing the I'm one who has to go up and talk and all of that shit. I've met with our lawyer going against dad a couple times with mom now, who's prepared me for what type of things I could be asked. Divine and Adrian might have to go up as witnesses as they've seen me hurt the most, but they're hoping there's no reason for it to go that far.
I don't know how I'll do it though. Dad is going to be in that courtroom, watching me finally be able to expose him after all these years. Talking in the same proximity is going to terrify me, even as I keep practicing some of the things I'll have to say by myself to prepare. It'll be a miracle if I don't have a panic attack up there.
I'm honestly kind of stressed now. I don't mention that to anyone at all, though. I'm going back to school tomorrow and I'm terrified, for some reason. It's just school but considering I've been out for a few weeks now, it's a lot to handle. If I even slightly mention being stressed with the trial and then school, mom will keep me home even longer. I have to go back eventually and keeping me out even longer will just make my stress even worse.
I could go back to school after winter break in January, as mom has told me that, but we also have exams and I also have to retake my SAT before winter break, so I have to go back. The SAT and exams are also adding even more stress to me, that I also don't mention. I glare at all the papers shoved to the end of my desk used to study for exams and SAT's, also everything I've been catching up with in school.
