PUBLISHING PAPERBACK (after writing the final draft, I wrote this 2 years ago.)
"I see through those silent lies of yours, Liv."
𝐎𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐚 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫, the girl who's known to be mute in school. No one knows why though, and she doesn't want anyo...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Today's fucking Thanksgiving, already. I mean yeah, just hardly two days can pass quickly, but still. It also doesn't at all feel like Thanksgiving.
First though, as it's just a little past nine in the morning, me and mom are going to Hadley's grave... We were going to go yesterday, but things came up. Or maybe that was mom's excuse, because I can tell it's affecting her. A lot.
I keep pulling down the sleeves of my jacket, the heat in the car not doing nearly enough. All the snow has melted on the ground, but it's still cold as fuck out. And to think it's just the beginning of winter, great. It beats sweating buckets during the summer, though. Also to think there's way colder states than North Carolina, fuck that.
"You ready?" Mom asks hesitantly when we get out of the car, looking at the graveyard. I nod, going over to hold her hand as I lead the way.
Mom focuses on the flowers she had brought, not stopping even when I do so; I pull her hand to get her attention. She turns in the same direction I'm in, looking down at Hadley's small gravestone, taking it all in.
Hadley Grace Carter July 16th, 2001 ~ August 3rd, 2016
She lowers herself down, sitting on the ground and not caring about the mud getting on her jeans. I do the same, holding her hand to help her, knowing how hard this is for her whether she admits it or not. Her glossy eyes tell me how hard it is.
"She was only 15." Mom's voice cracks and she quickly covers herself, not letting me see as she wipes away her tears.
I look around the graveyard, paranoia taking over me when I think about dad as he's the reason she was only 15 when she committed, as he dragged her over the edge of life. He's still yet to be found, so I'm still terrified of being out of the house. Even though I know the graveyard is the last place he'd show up at.
Mom places the flowers over the gravestone, blinking away more tears that I know are desperate to fall. Mom doesn't say anything else and I know she wants to be alone to say anything at all, but I wait a few more minutes before I go, silently saying some of my own words to Hadley.
I still wonder what she would think about mom being back if she were still here. Although I know things would be a lot different-Hadley always talked about if we weren't away from dad by the time she was 18, she'd go and adopt me on her own, or she'd try and get emancipated by 16. I always wonder how things would be right now if she was still here.
"D-Do you think you can give me some time alone, Olive? I need to..." Mom can't finish her sentence as her voice cracks, and I know what she needs. I don't hesitate to get up, knowing she needs to say some things with privacy. I say my goodbye and love you as I always do when I come here, walking back to the car.
I make a huge mistake when I look back at mom when I'm a little further away, when I see her finally breaking down. That's what finally makes my own tears fall.
