Always be My Maybe

Amor

Hey guys!

So new fic, a reunion one! For the first time everything that happened in season 1,2,3 and even 4 are part of this fic, even the shorts.
First chapter is just two letters they sent to each other in January, just after season 4 and then on chapter 2 it all starts!

                                                                                                                                                               January 5th 2021

Carla,

I can't believe how stupid I have been, to let my insecurities and pride get in the way of us. I'm afraid you've vowed to love an imbecile forever. I have been reminiscing ever since you left and I must say, you were right, if only partially. We are not working right now, but we are meant to be. I know it in my bones and I still see you in my future. Thinking about everything that brought us here I realised I have no regrets. I'll never regret following you into that bathroom, I'll never regret trying to steal your phone, I'll never regret chasing after you again and again, even through the airport. I could never regret us, watching you open up to me has been the most beautiful experience in my shitty life. I can't exactly pin point when it was that I fell in love with you, was it when you thought it was weird to be in my apartment, when you asked what we were doing? Or when I was the one wondering what we were doing, when we were eating my, not so disgusting, macaronis? Maybe it was in your car, when I said we should just go with it? Yes, I fell hard for this fickle marquesa, I fell even harder for Carla. The girl that cares so much, the one that softened around me, that let her icy shell melt for me.

Carla, I am irrevocably and unconditionally in love with you. I could never that you enough for giving us those seven days, for missing those seven flights and giving me the happiest week of y life. I believe we need this time apart, to become ourselves a little more, to forget about all the shit that went down. Know that I will never give up on us, on the future I see with you. I hope that London is ready for you because I just know you'll make it your bitch, you're going to become the most powerful Marquesa there ever was because you're strong and passionate and an unwavering force to be reckoned with and I am so proud of you already.

One day, it will be right for us, and on that day, I'll chase you down for the last time. I'm sure of it.

I'll always love you,

Samuel.

                                                                                       *

                                                                                                                                                             January 25th 2021

Samuel,

You will never know how many letters I've written, all lost in the trash now. How many text messages I almost sent. I meant every word I said in that message. I wish I was as strong as you think me, I wish I could have said it all to you in person. Letting you go is the hardest thing I've ever done and I had to do it more than once. Your letter was everything I didn't know I needed to dim the pain that being so far away from you causes me. I do believe we need to heal and grow apart if we ever want to have a shot at being together. It is the reason why after days of debating it with myself I have decided to tell you about everything. Not only do you have a right to know, but I also think it will help us move on to a brighter future, a future we might share one day.

You must know that after I confessed, I was mad at you but mostly I felt stupid. For letting you in, for having poured my heart out to you, it felt like I wasn't enough for you to drop it all. Of course now, I'm glad I did, I'm glad I don't have to live with this need to confess it all. I was relieved in a way, you took a huge weight off my shoulders. Unfortunately, my father was beyond angry with me. He's the reason why I lied at court, I lied to protect my family and it hurt so much to know that it meant I lost you, again.

But then you surprised me again, you asked me to come back to school and I did, you talked about you and me and I believed it. It gave me hope, even if I wasn't ready to forgive you just yet, it meant we could rebuild something.

My father, once again, had other plans though. He didn't like that I did so many things for you, he didn't like that you had so much "power" over me. He threatened to hurt you, badly, if he ever saw you near me.

In spite of his threats, when you texted me, saying you needed me, I wanted nothing more than to be with you, unfortunately my father was waiting for me that day after school and I panicked, I didn't know what to do to make him leave you alone, so I gave Yeray my number, even though I knew you were watching me. That's when everything started to go downhill.

Now I need you to promise me you will not let anger take a hold of you again, not over this, nor try to do anything about it, it's done anyway. I don't need to hear it, I trust that you will make and keep this promise.

My father isn't only into shady businesses, it turned out he was mostly in shitty ones. He drained my mother's legacy, had done it all with her signature, in her name. She stood to loose it all. We stood to lose it all. But see, he had a plan, Yeray is beyond rich, so he thought what better way to get him to invest in the wineries than having his daughter date him?

I didn't want to of course, I refused, more than once, I tried to break it up more than once too, but he kept threatening you and my mother and I felt helpless. I was already feeling so down and it felt like he was burying me.

That is why I had to push you away when you finally understood that I was only protecting my family. Here you were again, telling me everything I wanted to hear from you but my father was watching and I had no choice but to push you away. It broke my heart as much as it broke yours. Watching you hurt, watching you be with someone else, having to be with someone else. It was torture. I couldn't stand being with Yeray and that's when I turned to drugs. Yeray's lawyers put a close to the contract, for 5 years he could pull out at any given time, to my father it meant I couldn't break up with Yeray. I never should have turned to drugs, I regret it so deeply, but it felt so good then, like all the hurt disappeared and I could just be. I'm not proud of this, but in a way, those drugs saved me, the night of my overdose, I told Yeray that the drugs were the only way I could stand being around him. It led to me telling him the truth afterwards. I was terribly ashamed, he is such a sweet guy, if only a little clueless but I guess that's familiar. In the end we were both using each other, he didn't really love me, he loved the idea of me. I knew what it felt like to be loved for who you are thanks to you and that wasn't it. We both agreed to remain friends and thanks to him, I officially became a Marquesa, he invested on the sole condition that I became in charge and my parents couldn't do anything about it. I was finally free and you were all that was on my mind. I couldn't wait to tell you that we could finally be together. I was so happy, I'd never been so happy in my life. Then the night turned out the way it did and I just couldn't stand watching you go through hell again and again because of me, for me. That's when I decided to leave. I couldn't stand the idea of tarnishing everything that was so pure in you. No matter how hard I pushed you away, you alway came back, you always cared, you never gave up and I'll never forget it. It felt like leaving was the only way to protect you from me. I do destroy everything that I touch but I think I need to be here, in London, by myself, far from all the shit that went down, far from my parents. So I can discover who I am outside of everyone's expectations, without all the drama and hurt.

Samuel, you truly are the best thing that ever happened to me, and you don't know how much it means to me, to know you still picture us in your future. I can only hope that the people we will become will find their way back to each other.

I will always love you,

Carla. 

Hope you liked it (I know it's short but then all chapters will be of my usual length!) Comments are always appreciated! <3